


Adding to the Inner Circle

by Viqueen



Series: Shadan Adaar [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: A little angst, Cole is a precious bby, Cullen is just flustered and tired of all the shenanigans, Emotions, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Im trying to make a plot, Iron Bull is too perceptive, Josephine is a precious scribbly bean, Krem takes no shit, Lots of communication cuz communication is HEALTHY!!, Mentions of Bog Unicorn because I love that thing, Mostly Fluff, NUGGALOPES!!!, Post-Game, Sera is the best and i'll fight you over it, Some politics, Unplanned Pregnancy, also a little panic, relationships, this'll be fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-26
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-02-27 02:01:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2674709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viqueen/pseuds/Viqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inquisitor Adaar returns to Skyhold after an unexpectedly long trip and Iron Bull notices something new about her.</p><p>In the months following Corypheus' defeat a new conflict is growing out from the Free Marches and it falls to the Inquisition to keep Thedas from falling into yet another war.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Many Happy Returns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a plotbunny that would not leave me alone.

Iron Bull tried not to rush up the steps to the Inquisitor's quarters, mindful of the noise he could make in the cold, quiet of the night. He had seen her from a distance returning to the castle and it didn’t take the sharp eye of a former Ben-Hassrath to see, even in the dark of the evening, that she was beyond exhausted.

The Inquisitor had at first been invited for the election of the new Mayor of Crestwood, taking a small guard of Cullen’s soldiers with her more out of protocol than actual need. But, as all things do, one thing led to another and she had been needed in Redcliffe to settle some dispute with the new Arl. Then Cassandra had requested help with a new group of Seeker recruits in Therinfal.

All told, she had been gone a month and a half. A fucking month and fucking half! She was only supposed to be gone four- five days at the most! If he had returned to Skyhold a day sooner Bull would have gone with her, no matter the fact that she had elected not to include any of her remaining companions. After all, everyone was still recovering and rebuilding after Corypheus’ defeat.

Reaching their door, he carefully lifted the latch and slipped inside into the dark room, unconsciously tipping his horns out of the way of the doorframe. He crept up the stairs, quiet in spite of his bulk. The moonlight streaming in through the windows gave him more than enough light to see the Shadan shaped lump sprawled haphazardly on the bed. A smile tugged across his mouth as he came closer, following the trail of her aimlessly discarded boots and armor. She laid facedown, face pillowed in her arms, with her hips canted to the side so he could see her deep steady breaths in the rise and fall of her abdomen. He could see the shadowed fuzz of her hair, having grown out from the closely shorn sides and short mohawk she'd borne when first recruiting him and his chargers. That day seemed so long ago now. 

Bull knelt at the side of the bed, momentarily conflicted whether he should wake her. She looked so fragile like this. Of course, she wasn’t and he knew that, for fuck’s sake he had been there for most of the crazy shit she'd been through over the last two years. The Fade bit included, as he was unhappy to recall, but she had helped him get over that. With a stick. On a more pleasant note, he had also been there the first time she had hunted down a high dragon. And anyone who willingly ran towards a dragon with nothing but light armor, and live to grin about it, was someone to be reckoned with. If anything it had certainly made the Vashoth attractive in the jaded Ben-Hassrath's eye. Looking back, he wondered whether that was when he had started to fall in love with her- not that he'd understood the meaning of those feelings at the time.

Very carefully Bull brushed a longer strand of hair away from her eyes. Her brow twitched imperceptibly at the faint contact. Standing back up he leaned down, placing a kiss at the base of one of her horns. He would greet her properly in the morning, or even afternoon, and damn anyone who tried to wake her before then. Gazing down at her prone form for another moment he noted something. Her smallclothes hung low on her hips, exposing her tightly muscled stomach, and Iron Bull knew this part of her. As all parts of her. Intimately. And he thought it had a very slight curvature to it that had not been there before she had left. He found himself blinking his one eye and then rapidly started running numbers through his head.

“Bull?” her sleep rough voiced murmured against her arm.

Immediately refocusing on her, Iron Bull felt a flood of warmth through his chest at hearing her say his name. He knelt again as she shifted, blinking almost drunkenly up at him. He smiled down at her, cupping her jaw in his large hand to which the woman leaned into. “Go back to sleep, kadan,” he said, stroking her cheek with his thumb, seeing her struggling to remain awake and failing. He chuckled softly seeing her brow crease in frustration. Pressing a kiss to her nose he shushed her, causing her to give a weak mumble of defiance as he reached over her to drag a free blanket over her. She was dead asleep again a moment later and after another moment of thought he left.

-

Krem found Bull early the next morning in his usual seat in the tavern. However, the Tal-Vashoth’s expression gave him pause. Iron Bull was looking off into the middle distance, elbows propped on the arms of his chair with his mouth pressed to the side of his interlaced fingers obviously in deep thought. _Well that’s not good_ , Krem thought, steeling himself for anything before moving forward. “What’s going on, Chief?” he started, dragging a chair noisily across the floor and turning it backwards before sitting down.

The Iron Bull broke from his trance and blinked at his lieutenant, recovering so quickly that if Krem didn't know the other so well he would have missed it entirely. “Just wondering if I can convince Sera to let me throw her next time we’re in a fight.”

Krem gave an irritated exhale through his nose, _Wonderful, he’s being evasive, now I know something's up._ “Bullshit, what’s really wrong?”

Bull frowned slightly, “It’s nothing, Krem."

The man folded his arms on the back of his chair and locked eyes to eye with him, waiting.

After a few moments, Bull glowered, muttering something unpleasant in Qunlat under his breath. “I’m just doing some math, it’s nothing.”

Krem just lifted one eyebrow, still waiting.

The Bull let out a legitimate growl and some instinctive part of Krem’s mind reminded him just how much BIGGER Iron Bull was compared to him, but he squashed that voice down and didn't flinch. Another few moments passed and Bull relented, exhaling irritably through his nose, body language almost ‘deflating’ as he gave up. “It's probably nothing, but I think I might have really screwed up.”

The man made an incredulous noise, “Well, I probably could have told you that,” he smirked, but serioused at the unamused look Bull threw him. “What happened?”

The Bull looked about the empty tavern, the barkeeper hadn't even shown up yet, so he was mostly assured that no one else would hear. “I think-" he started, before gritting his teeth and putting his fists down in the arms of his chair, looking around irritably. He sighed heavily, “I think Shadan might be-" he rubbed a hand over his face, growling to himself and muttering something else in Qunlat.

Krem narrowed his eyes, taking in the unusual fractious mixture of distress and anger from the typically irreverent and laid-back character. “She might be what?” he prompted before a thought popped into his head that made him blink. Iron Bull saw Krem’s face guessing and the guilt in his one eye only confirmed his suspicion. “Are you serious!?” Krem hissed quietly, leaning forward.

The Iron Bull raised his open hands in a gesture as if to either placate or ward off the Tevene. “I’m not sure, but maybe?” he added helplessly, dropping his hands and leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “Fuck Krem,” he chuckled joylessly, shaking his head. “I dont know. Can you even see me as a-” He scowled at his hands, “Qunari dont have parents, I wouldn't even know where to start."

Krem’s expression softened a degree, “You wouldn’t be close to the worst one in history. Besides, the Inquisitor would balance out whatever crap you manage to screw up.” That earned the quirk of an honest smile from Bull. “And at least you’d be there for it, right?”

“I’d like to be,” he frowned to himself.

“So, are you going to ask her?” Krem resisted the urge to roll his eyes at Bull’s uncomfortable shifting. “Right, of course not, because you usually have so much more tact.”

Iron Bull growled. “You really think I should just walk up to her and ask if she’s pregnant?”

“I’m not the one who _maybe_ knocked up the damned Inquisitor, you ass!” Krem shot back. He knew how much Shadan meant to The Bull, even if the idiot didn’t fully realize how deeply himself. For all his intelligence, Bull rarely planned his life further ahead than the next assignment or mission, especially now that the Qunari weren't the ones giving him orders. The fact that he had committed himself exclusively to the Inquisitor and had stuck around for so long was huge in Krem’s eyes. He just didn't want the idiot to screw it up. Krem sighed, “What did you mean, _you were doing math_ ”?

Bull rubbed the back of his neck, looking up at the ceiling for a moment, “I was trying to figure out how far along she could be.” 

Krem folded his arms across his chest, “Maybe six weeks? If at all.” Everyone knew how long the Inquisitor had been gone and Krem, unfortunately, was at least distantly aware of how much time the two spent together. Though he thanked the Maker that he wasn’t aware of anything specific. He just didn’t need to know that much.

Bull shook his head, “Nah, closer to eleven at least.” At Krem’s incredulous look, Bull explained with his more typical nonchalance. “We both take precautions, and she does some magey thing I think,” he waggled his fingers at the word ‘magey’, “but I try not to finish in her expressly for this reason.”

Krem made a face, dropping his forehead to the back of his chair with a soft ‘thunk’, “Maker forget I asked." This earned a deep chuckle from the Tal-Vashoth. When Krem lifted his head he sighed, “Look,” he started, “maybe wait for her to say something, if she’s that far along she’s going to start showing soon anyway and it’ll be a moot point.”

Bull considered that with a slight frown, “Yeah maybe.” Shaking his head, “Wish me luck,” he grunted, standing up and walked towards the door.

“Just dont fuck it up,” the man called back, getting a hand wave over the shoulder as he left. Krem dragged his chair back to its proper place, shaking his head with a degree of exasperation.

-

It was well past midday when Shadan finally woke up. Wrestling out from underneath the blanket she'd somehow tangled around her legs, she smiled upon seeing Bull lounging at her desk. “How many messengers did you chase off?” she asked, stretching her arms above her head.

Bull closed the book in his hand and cracked a smile over his shoulder at her, “Only three, and it wasn’t anything that couldn't wait. Yes, I did check.” At the mage’s snicker, he put the book back on the shelf, “You needed sleep.”

“Not going to deny that,” she chuckled, finishing her stretch and started brushing her hair back with her fingers, slowly getting her drowsy brain back up to speed.

He watched the woman for a moment, happy just to have her back in Skyhold after so long. But the question itched at the back of his mind and he steeled himself before he lost his nerve completely. Bull didn't like this feeling, it was something he was experiencing more often since he had become Tal-Vashoth. He wouldn't go back to how he was, he was sure of that by now, but pure uncertainty was something he was growing begrudgingly accustomed to. “Shadan?” She looked up, hazel eyes curious, though her brow creased into a slight frown upon seeing the barely masked anxiety on his face. “You'd tell me if something was wrong, right?”

She studied him for a few seconds, busying her hands with removing the sharp metal caps on her horns which she'd neglected the night before. “That is an unusually vague question,” Shadan answered evenly, averting her eyes under the pretense of angling her head to get the caps off.

Bull frowned, feeling his suspicions gaining more weight behind them, “And that’s not any kind of answer.”

Shadan put the caps away and chuckled humorlessly to herself, “This is what I get for loving a spy.” Taking a steadying breath she looked up at him, eyes unsure, “When did you guess?”

“Last night,” he said, getting up, carefully gauging the woman’s body language though she gave almost nothing away. “I probably wouldn’t have noticed anything yet if you hadn’t been gone for so long,” he noted, sitting just on the corner of the mattress. “Even then it was more of a guess.” When she didn’t say anything he pressed, “Why didn't you say anything? You would've known before you left.”

She looked away, chewing the inside of her lip. “It was never a good time," she fidgeted with her hands, "And I didn’t really know how to tell you."

Her trepidation was palpable and he hated himself for somehow being the cause, “Were you scared of me knowing?”

“No, it’s-“ she made a frustrated noise through her nose, grabbing her horns and tilting her head back to look at the ceiling like it could hold some answer. Bull wanted to touch her, to hold her, relieve her stresses as he usually did, but he knew physical contact was the last thing she needed at that moment. Sighing, she looked back at him and dropped her shoulders, “By Andraste’s flaming tits, Bull, we were trying to avoid this exact thing.”

Bull tried for levity, “When was the last time any of our plans went just as planned?”

Shadan pulled her legs up to wrap her arms around her shins and tucked her chin behind her knees, “This is different,” she murmured, sounding drained.

“Kadan-"

“I’m going to keep it,” she said, cutting him off, looking at him from over the top of her knees.

Bull frowned, bewildered even as his heart did an unexpected flip at the thought, “You make it sound like I wouldn't want you to.”

"We didn't plan on it," she repeated, "I wasn't going to assume you wanted this."

He read her bitter tone and her fearful, guarded body language and it dawned on him. She was scared that he'd abandon her. Bull had seen it happen often enough from the outside to know how people could act, so she was just protecting herself. He also knew that she could manage being a mother on her own just fine. She was strong enough and she had nearly any resource at her disposal. The fact that she was scared that he’d leave meant that she _wanted_ him to be there. Logic aside the mere thought of leaving her, of her thinking he would over this, sent a sharp pang of guilt through him. And she saw it, if the change in her eyes meant anything.

Standing up he walked to the bedside table and took something from the drawer before sitting down beside her. He placed it in her hand. It was a dragon tooth, as long as her hand and split down the middle, the base set in obsidian with a steel link chain attached to the setting. He then took its mate from his pocket and pressed them together between their hands. “I meant what I said when you gave me this.” Shadan’s expression softened as he leaned in to press his forehead to hers, the angle thumping their horns together. He kissed the tip of her nose, breathing her in and was warmed when she nuzzled back into him. “I love you,” he said, “and I'm not going anywhere. So long as you want me around.”

Shadan gave a small sound between a hiccup and a sigh and he kissed away the tears forming at the corners of her eyes.

She kissed him then, muttering, “I’m sorry,” against his scarred lips.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for. Panic should be normal with your first kid."

"Our first kid," she smiled, leaning into him, before frowning. “I didn't trust you, I should have-,” she exhaled through her nose. “I do. I just didn’t know how to handle this,” she grumbled in frustration.

“Again. Panic.” he shrugged.

She swatted his shoulder halfheartedly at his mockingly dismissive tone.

He caught her hand and kissed her knuckles with a half-smile, “We’ll figure this out. Okay?”

She nodded before pressing herself against his side and tucking her head into his neck so he rested his chin between her horns. "Sorry for making you worry."

He chuckled, “I’m just glad you’re not going to immolate me for doing this to you.”

“It’s a team effort to make a baby, Bull.” She shifted against him, straddling his hips and gently grabbing his horns to pull him into a slow kiss. He slid a hand to her neck and the small of her back, cradling her, his skin heating in response to her weight and warmth. Though he couldn't actually feel the bump pressing against his stomach, the mere thought of it made his fingers twitch against her skin and pulled a soft possessive noise up from his throat.

Shadan smiled against his mouth, slipping out from under his hands to stand by the bed. "I really should go tend to those messages before Cullen tries sending his soldiers in here after me." She didn't make it half a step before Bull looped an arm around her waist, pulling the woman sideways into his lap, muffling her indignant yelp in a deep kiss. She curled up against him, trying to stifle her laughter and failing. She pulled back after a breath and headbutted him, scowling at the self-satisfied look on his face. "You ass, let me up," she grumbled fondly, glaring at him when he just shook his head and hugged her more securely against his chest.

"No, I think I like you right where you are," he said, nipping her ear. He didn't tighten his grip when she wriggled at the contact, but he didn't let up either.

"Buuuull," she groaned in exasperation when he moved downward to mouth at her neck. "I have-"

"The Inquisition isn't going to fall apart if you take one damned day off," he grumbled petulantly against her shoulder.

She sighed, letting up her half-hearted attempts to escape his grip. "No, probably not, but I've been gone for too long. I need to see how things are."

"They're fine, trust me," he said with his face still pressed against her shoulder. "Sera hid a garden snake in Cullen's desk, nearly gave him a heart-attack. Josephine and Dorian tried to gang up on Rainier about his wardrobe. But the worst thing was Cole letting your creepy undead unicorn out of the stables because, and I quote,” he lifted his head and made finger quotations in the air, "He misses the sun," unquote."

Shadan snickered lightly, "Oh no."

"Thom, Cullen and I managed to herd it back in before anyone accidentally got skewered, but what I didn't get was if the thing wanted some sun, why did the kid let it out at night?"

Shadan laughed, "See now I'm going to rethink ever leaving again."

Bull tilted his head, "Kid _is_ going to be a little unwieldy."

She gave him a mildly amused, but flat, look, "I'm still going to be active outside the keep for another few months, but I didn't plan on hunting dragons when I couldn't see my feet."

The image of her fully round with his child sparked some basic instinct within him, pulling an unbidden grin, "I think I can live with that."

"Good," Shadan smiled, slipping out of his grip and retrieving a pair of trousers from her dresser. She was fastening her belt when she felt Bull come up from behind and encircle her in his arms, carefully ghosting the palm of one hand over the barely there bump on her stomach. She leaned back against him a little and closed her eyes for a moment, feeling at rest for the first time in weeks.

Then came a knock at the door. Followed by a voice muffled by wood and stone, “Inquisitor Adaar?”

Shadan snorted and Bull grumbled in Qunlat. He kissed the side of her neck and stepped back. “No rest for the weary,” he muttered, catching her hand and turning Shadan slightly to kiss her again, “I’ll meet you downstairs.”

Shadan nodded and rummaged around trying to find a clean tunic, hearing Bull ward off the newest messenger and send him back down the stone steps. She chuckled, catching a glimpse of herself in her mirror. Running a palm down her abdomen she settled it below her navel, tapping thoughtfully with her fingers, imagining the new life beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shadan's name is roughly based on the name Sheridan which means Untamed. I didn't realized/remember until a third through the game that it rhymed with Kadan but figured that just "confirms" my headcanon that it possibly could be a Qunari word/name. Not that anyone would/should care about this, I just felt like putting it down.
> 
> I apologize to anyone who read this, cuz it was a pointless little plotbunny that would not leave me the hell alone. Also apologize because I had no idea how to actually end the scene so I just said, fuck it. It's 1am and I should be sleeping.
> 
> This specific worldstate is of course a reflection of the playthrough of this specific Inquisitor. The main thing, of course, being that Iron Bull is exiled from the Qun and named a Tal-Vashoth for reasons I will not disclose in case someone hasn't played that mission yet.
> 
> Also I'm trying to be good about not referring to either as Qunari cuz at this point neither are a part of the Qun, thus neither are Qunari. Nor Kossith cuz Bull says in game that it's not used as a name for their race. Shit's complicated @.@


	2. Laying Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Im actually gonna attempt to make a legit story out of this… ye have been warned. My plan is to try posting a chapter once to twice a month. I’m starting veterinary school in January so it’ll depend on my workload, but I will try. I love this world and it’s characters so I have plenty to play with :3
> 
> Also slight warning for some possible spoilers, but since this entire fic takes place Post-Game, spoilers are kinda inevitable. Sorry ^^;

"We need to expand."

Josephine looked up from her parchment and over to where the Inquisitor was seated. The Tal-Vashoth was at the couch in front of the fireplace with a stack of papers on the cushion beside her. It was a habit she had picked up a few months after getting to Skyhold, hanging around her advisor's office between her lengthy trips across Thedas. At the moment Shadan was frowning rather deeply at the report in her hands. “Were you thinking of anything in particular?"

Shadan looked up, blinking at the Antivan, "What?" Her mind kicked back into gear and she shook her head, "It's nothing, I was just thinking aloud."

Josephine nodded and rolled her wrist in a go-on gesture, mouth quirked up at the corner.

Shadan sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose, "How much of this land actually belongs to the Inquisition?"

"The mountains?" she clarified incredulously, earning a nod. "Well, truthfully it belongs to no one. Mostly. This side of the Frostbacks technically belongs to Orlais, though I _sincerely_ doubt anyone would fuss about land rights."

Shadan canted her head a degree, ”Really?"

"Well, yes, aside from Gherlen's Pass," she continued, interlacing her fingers on top of her desk. "this part of the range is located right on an undeveloped line between Fereldan and Orlais. Neither country has felt a need to fight over the higher slopes since they cannot be developed for crops nor used effectively for military outposts. And the nomadic Avvar tribes typically keep to the middle to lower ranges." She watched Shadan for a moment as the othe woman looked thoughtfully at the fire, "What is it you are planning?"

"This," the mage held up the paper, rustling it a little as she stood and walked over. "is the most recent census report of Skyhold. Every week we are receiving more people. Laborers, farmers, craftsmen, soldiers, mages, families, _children_. We were crammed nearly three to a bed in the barracks during the war with Corypheus. Skyhold doesn't have the space for these people, but I _can’t_ turn them away."

Josephine accepted the report when it was handed to her, glancing up over the edge. "What is the reason not to?"

Shadan exhaled through her nose, tugging her short braid of red hair as she began pacing. ”Because they actually made it all the way up here? Or because they came here after becoming disenfranchised by the leaders of their own lands?” She dropped her hands and tucked her thumbs into the belt of her long coat, “A great deal of them, some soldiers and mages included, want to swear themselves to the Inquisition. Our goal is peace, but we can’t achieve that without manpower. But we need homes, warehouses to store food, _blessed Maker_ , a bloody road which doesn't ice over _every_ day. I know some simple wards that would prevent ice from forming at all. I just need a team of mages to help ward it and masons to pave it."

"Are you planning to cultivate a kingdom here, Mistress Adaar?" Josephine teased, watching the Tal-Vashoth pace, even as her own mind ran through the possible political ramifications of such expansions.

That earned an amused snort from the mage, "No, but the Inquisition is capable of doing so much for Thedas. These people want to help that cause because they think it can too." At her ambassador's pause she held her hands palm up at her sides expectantly, “What do you think?"

Josephine made a thoughtful hm, her expression pleased by the Inquisitor’s honest conviction. "I agree. Wholeheartedly in fact." She then held up a finger and spoke as if warning a child, “However, you must be cautious that nothing changes too quickly or drastically. The Inquisition already has a great deal of influence and power, but it is still young. Also, we are in Empress Celene’s and King Theirin’s good graces for now, but I doubt they would look kindly on us cultivating too many resources and too large an army _too_ quickly. We do not wish to be seen as any more of a threat than we already are."

Shadan nodded, "Of course."

"Now," Josephine stood, gathering specific sheets and reams from her desk and began writing on a blank one. "I will consolidate a basic plan for you to review so we can begin construction on your little mountain kingdom."

Shadan rolled her eyes with a smile at her continued teasing, "It's not a kingdom, Scribbles.”

"True, not yet." She tapped the feathered end of her quill against her chin, graciously ignoring the fond nickname. ”Though as its leader you really should name a successor in the untimely event of your passing, however providing an heir would be cleaner," she chuckled, glancing up at the Inquisitor. Years of being an ambassador had made Josephine very adept at reading people and, likewise, her time with Shadan had made it nearly second nature to read the Tal-Vashoth's mood. So, the flash of startled panic on her face was clear as day, "Inquisitor?"

The mage coughed, turning towards the door, "I'll, uh, go bring this plan up with Cullen, see what he thinks."

Josephine frowned, wrinkling her nose, "Shadan," she drawled, trying to think of what caused the reaction. "You do realize how transparent you are, don't you?" Suddenly her eyes widened as she brought her hands to her mouth, "Wait, you are _not_ -!” she said with a scarcely contained squeal.

Shadan rushed back to the desk, waving her hands and shushing her. “Josie!”

The other woman giggled behind her hands, bright eyes sparkling. Putting her palms on her desk and leaning forward conspiratorially, speaking in an excited rush, "Oh _please_ tell me you are! It is of course The Bull’s, he is an accident waiting to happen, but I am so happy for you both. Have you started picking names yet?”

Shadan buried her face in her palms, groaning, “Josephiiiiiiine.” Dropping her hands to the desk, leaning down to eye level with the shorter woman she sighed, deadpanning, “Yes I am. Yes he is. And no we have not. Now will you _please_ be a little quieter?” Shadan tried to keep up an air of irritation, but couldn’t quite keep it up in the face of the Antivan’s honest excitement for her.

Josephine nodded, making another happy squealing noise just as Cullen entered the room.

"Josephine, I- Oh, Inquisitor, good you're here as well. I need to-" he paused, looking at the two women, one barely containing a smile but schooling her expression and the other looking mildly put upon. "Um... Am I interrupting something?" he asked cautiously with a raised brow.

Shadan threw a sidelong glance at Josephine who returned an innocent look before continuing her writing as if nothing had happened. “No, you weren't." She straightened her shoulders, "Do you need something Commander?"

Cullen made a face, knowing he was being misled but let it go and stepped aside. "There is a woman here to meet with you." He was frowning and Shadan got the impression that Cullen had been browbeaten into personally escorting the newcomer.

The woman in question was small, with dark olive skin and wearing old, but well maintained leather armor. A practiced eye could see the line of dozens of concealed sheathes on her arms, legs and sides, undoubtedly hiding a small armory worth of blades. She had dark intelligent green eyes and narrow, almost elven, features though she lacked the sharply pointed ears. ”Inquisitor Adaar, Lady Montilyet,” she bowed her head, her thick braid of black hair falling over her shoulder. “My name is Senka. I have come to fill her role for the Inquisition given Lady Leliana's recent _change_ in occupation. At her recommendation, of course.”

“A new spymaster?” Shadan quirked a brow, glancing at Cullen who shrugged. The Tal-Vashoth clasped her hands behind her back, stepping forward, now all business as she critically studied the small woman. “I can only assume you are capable if Leliana judged you to be, but I have to ask. Where would your loyalties lie?”

The corner of Senka’s thin mouth quirked upwards, accentuating a long scar on her cheek, watching the much taller woman as an experienced hunter would a circling bear. Cautiously but without fear. “Ultimately with the Divine, of course. Though myself and her Holiness are in agreement with the Inquisition's initial purposes.”

Shadan’s brow furrowed slightly, “I'm assuming everything you send and receive here would also reach the Divine's ears?”

Senka nodded, “Naturally.” The woman appeared at ease, but Shadan could see that her stance was balanced, her knees bent the very barest degree. The rogue’s tone was even and calm, but she was ready to act defensively if need be. However, Shadan had no idea if this was normal for her or just due to her being where she was. Either way, it was setting the mage on edge. Senka continued, “And as the Inquisition is subject to the Chantry’s-"

Shadan frowned deeply, “The Inquisition is not subject to anyone.” The interruption earned a perturbed blink from the rogue and Shadan kept on, her tone firm and brooking no room for arguement. “The Inquisition was conceived and formed without the support or even the consent of the Chantry. Regardless of the fact that it has her support now, it is independent of the influence or control of outside factions.” She then half raised a hand in placation. “But her Holiness can be assured, its purpose is _solely_ towards maintaining peace.”

“A lofty goal,” Senka nearly smirked, brow taking a condescending slant.

Shadan gave her a black look, “And one it will continue to aspire towards.” She calmed herself, eyes still stern, “The Inquisition will work as an ally with the Chantry but only on equal grounds.”

Senka folded her arms across her chest, “You presume much of the Inquisition's clout.”

“It _did_ close the hole in the sky.”

“It also stopped a plot against the Empress' life and was instrumental in resolving the Mage and Templar war.” Senka then smiled honestly, relaxing her subtlely guarded stance and chuckled lightly. “Apologies. Leliana did warn me of how protective you were but I had to see it for myself. She also said that you would say as such and advised me to relay back that she has no issue with your terms. She and the Chantry fully support the Inquisition in it’s endeavors.” 

Shadan cocked an eyebrow at the sudden shift in demeanor, relaxing the set of her shoulders the tiniest degree, “Good.”

Senka bowed her head a little, "I will familiarize myself with the keep and give a report by week's end." She left at Shadan's nod, "Inquisitor."

"That went" Josephine paused, “…well. Though for a moment I thought you were about to come to blows."

Shadan grinned, chuckling, “I like her.”

Cullen rubbed the back of his neck, glancing where the woman had left, "I was not aware that we were going to be so forward on our stance of independence."

“You were? And here I was thinking we had already been fairly _clear_ on that point.” She shrugged, tossing a teasing smile at Cullen’s flat look. Shadan then put her hands together, tapping her chin with the side of her fingers. ”Leliana though,” she mused, “Her reforms to the Chantry have been… dramatic to say the least. Necessary, but dramatic. I trust her, at least for now."

"For now?” Cullen questioned.

"Cullen, I won't pretend that I can predict the future of our political climate. But I do know that the more power one person has the easier it is for them to be corrupted by it." She frowned a little, "and Leliana has a lot of power now."

"As do you, my dear Inquisitor,” Josephine noted without criticism.

Shadan grinned again, “And that's what you two are here for." After a moment’s thought she clapped her hands together and turned back to the door, "Josephine if you would introduce Cullen to the new plans, I would be appreciative. I'm going to find someplace for the new pilgrims to sleep."

"Very well Inquisitor." Then Shadan could practically _hear_ the smirk in her voice, "Shall I tell the Commander _all_ the-"

"Only what is relevant, ambassador," Shadan interrupted, her tone dry with exasperation, leaving the room and Josephine's stifled giggles behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a little short, pretty dialogue heavy and had no Bull (*sad face*) but i'm mostly just trying to get the ball rolling. Bear with me if you would, I'll try not to bore you ^^
> 
> There may be a few OFCs showing up here and there to fill in necessary character roles, but I’m obviously gonna focus on the canon characters. Personally I like Senka. Her name is Serbian, it means Shadow and it’s an anagram of sneak. Seemed a good fit for a teeny roguey spymaster :3


	3. New Faces and Old Anger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So obviously Skyhold can’t have expansions built right to it or around it. The castle is built smack on a mountaintop with nothing but sheer drops down if you step off the walls. Also, there’s a bunch of structural integrity issues if big changes were to be made… As I found out after nearly falling to my death walking into that second dungeon room… THERE IS NO FLOOR!! Apparently they’re like “We have no idea how whoever built this damned castle but we’ve stabilized it fine buuuuut I think if we mess with it too much it might fall down so lets just let the castle be”  
> Sooooo Shadan’s expansions for the Inquisition will be built beyond that stone bridge leading to the gate, along the “road” they all took to get up there in the first place ^_^
> 
> Again if y’all are still reading, bless you for willingly putting up with this silly/fluffy thing I’m mostly just writing for my own amusement. I’m always open for suggestions and critiques, cuz my plotbunnies need feeding from time to time :3
> 
> Shoutout to SweetTeaholic for her beta and awesome feedback!!

Shadan leaned forward against the battlements beside Skyhold's gatehouse, the early morning light casting a lavender hue on the snowcapped mountains. Down the slope she could see activity as continuing construction was being done on Herald's Peak. It was not a name she had picked, something the workers had started which simply stuck. As with whoever had dubbed Skyhold's tavern Herald's Rest she sincerely hoped that it wasn't the beginning of a trend. 

"It isn't for you. But you know that. They want to feel like they're a part of something important. Something bigger than themselves."

Shadan looked over at Cole, having long since gotten over his uncanny ability to just _appear_ out of seemingly nowhere. “I understand that, just hope I don’t get a reputation for having a big head or something.”

Cole perched himself up between the arrow slots on the wall, tilting his head a little. “But you do have a bigger head.” At her raised brow he elaborated with putting his fists against his head, each with a finger pointed skyward, “Horns.”

Shadan snorted, ruffling the spirit’s lank hair as she straightened up. She smoothed out the front her dress, the only ornamentation being the Inquisition’s sigil embroidered on the sleeves. She lamented the loss of her ability to wear proper trousers as she neared the halfway point in her pregnancy. Her Inner Circle had been largely unsurprised by the news, the more intuitive members having noted her somewhat evasive behavior before they’d eventually left Skyhold. That was aside from Sera who had been utterly flabbergasted by the idea. Varric had sent some books from Kirkwall along with his congratulations, though he made a teasing comment about Shadan’s sanity given her choice. Vivienne gifted her with lengths of fabric for clothing along with her regards and an update on the College of Enchanters. And Dorian’s letter from Tevinter described, at length, how wounded he was that Shadan did not confide this news with him sooner and that he fervently hoped that the child looked more like her than its father. This was followed by a crate of toys that Dorian had apparently owned as a young child.

Shadan had kept her _condition_ a secret as long as she could, wanting to avoid any changes as the Inquisition was still continuing to develop and rebuild. It would not do for the leader of the Inquisition to appear weakened or vulnerable, but fortunately she had the backing of most of the major political powers in Thedas and her new spymaster was adept at even turning this around in their favor. On principle, only a few nobles had made a fuss over the Herald's child being fathered by a Tal-Vashoth mercenary. However those were largely the ones who were _still_ not over her being an ‘oxman’ as well. Thus they were chiefly ignored.

"The Iron Bull's Chargers are respected, so that helps too." Cole noted helpfully, leaning back to look down at the sheer drop just beyond the parapets.

Shadan shook her head a little, a smile marring her chastising glare, "Cole, you said that you'd stay out of my head."

Cole made a face and slumped forward, "But you think so loudly and about so many things," he complained, earning a laugh from the mage. A moment later he perked up, "Can I still listen to It though?" Cole asked, sliding down off the stone.

Shadan nodded, still chuckling, and he stepped forward, placing his hands on her rounding belly. Even after the spirit made the decision to be more human, his preternatural empathy still held strong. Shadan knew that he could feel her ever present anxiety as a first time mother, the fact evident in his frequent desire to check on the baby for her. Though it seemed that it was at least partly for himself, Shadan often saw Cole lingering around the garden when the children played, but she appreciated his gesture to soothe her nerves. Cole touched gently, no more than a light pressure from the pads of his fingertips, his head tilted slightly, like a dog listening for a distant sound. Shadan sighed, "I still don't understand why you can't tell me what it is."

"It hasn't had a chance to decide yet," Cole answered reasonably.

Shadan smiled gently, "I suppose it hasn't."

After another few moments Cole stood up, his pale eyes shining cheerfully from under his bangs. "It's happy. Though it likes it best when it gets sung to."

"But I haven't been singing to it," Shadan said perplexed.

Cole shook his head, "Not you, The Iron Bull. He does it when you're sleeping, I've heard him think about it sometimes. The baby really likes the depth of his voice. Low, rumbling tones like a roll of thunder too distant to cause worry of a storm.” He paused for a moment, as if in thought, “He’s worried like you are, but in a different way. You should ask him about it.” The spirit looked back towards the door and jogged the few meters before Shadan could make any reply, reaching the door to the gatehouse just as Iron Bull opened it. 

Shadan leaned back against the stone wall, smiling slightly to herself at Bull's mild surprise at Cole waiting by the door. She lifted a suspicious brow when Cole beckoned the mercenary to bend down to his level so he could say something, glancing at her so she knew it was about her. "Great," she thought, rolling her eyes. 

Iron Bull shook his head a little in bemusement when Cole left, smirking at the knowing look on Shadan's face. "Sooo," he drawled as he walked toward her, "the kid tells me something's bothering you?" He then frowned slightly, eye flicking down, "It's not-"

She shook her head, tucking away the knowledge of Bull singing for later, ”No, _that_ is fine, but Cole said the same about you."

“I asked first,” he smirked, leaning against the battlements beside her.

Shadan sighed, feeling a headache threatening as her lover, and father of her soon-to-be child, did his 'I'm being evasive and waiting for you to give me the information' passive-aggressive-Ben-Hassrath’ thing. She gave him a look, showing that she knew what he was doing but he just smiled patiently. "When isn't something bothering me?” she started. “At this point I'm glad that the most I have to deal with is arguments over land rights. Our quarries have been in use for over a year, but the _second_ we use a small percentage to build housing up _here_ ”, she gestured out in the direction of Herald’s Peak, “the nobles start getting their tights in a twist." 

Iron Bull smirked, even though she was still dancing around what Cole told him, and looked out at the mountains. "That doesn't sound too painful."

Shadan slouched, leaning forward against the stone and resting her arms on the battlement. ”I'd take another megalomaniacal darkspawn over fussing nobleman any day," she muttered.

Iron Bull laughed, pulling her into his side and kissing the top of her head. “ _That_ is why I love you," he grinned, gently butting her horns before releasing her.

Shadan pressed against his side and Bull put an arm around her without a second thought. After a long moment she said, as much a question as it was a statement, “Krem and the others’ll be back soon.”

“Yeah, raven came in last night. No signs of leftover Venatori and everyone's fine.”

She paused just a beat and frowned, “You should have gone with them.”

 _‘There it is’_ , Bull thought, but said, “Trying to get rid of me already?”

“No”, she gave him a flat look at his teasing tone. “But you belong with your men. I just don't want you to change or feel you need to just because I’m-" she glowered down at her hands and looked back out over the wall.

Bull chuckled easily, moving behind her and holding her against his chest, kissing her neck. “Kadan”, he breathed against her skin, “I won’t do anything if I don't want to do it. You might be the Inquisitor and The _Herald of Andraste_ ”, he said airily, “but I doubt even you could actually change me.”

Shadan shrugged, leaning back into the circle of his arms, "I've performed lesser miracles,” she said musingly.

He snorted, propping up his chin on the top of her head, satisfied with just holding her against his chest and stroking a palm over the swell of her belly. "My boys can handle a few assignments without me. I’ll go back to working jobs, but only after I’m sure the kid doesn’t need me.”

She curled back against him, “Good." She waited a moment before tilting her head up, “Your turn. What’s on your mind?”

Bull grumbled something in Qunlat, all Shadan managed to catch was a swear word and ‘meddling’.

She reached up and flicked the base of one of his horns, “Spill it.”

Bull lightly drummed his fingers against her belly and exhaled through his nose. “Qunari don’t have parents,” he answered finally. Shadan waited a moment and he elaborated, “We-” he made a short irritated noise, “ _I_ was raised by Tamassrans, they taught me everything they thought I’d need. And childrearing? That wasn’t exactly high on the list.”

Shadan squeezed his arm reassuringly, she knew Bull still struggled with being exiled and she reasoned that it was hard enough voluntarily leaving home as she did. Being forcibly cast out because you refused to sacrifice your friends was a whole different matter.

“Truth be told,” she started, keeping her tone light to ease his mood, “If your handling of the Chargers is any indication, I think you’ll be fine.”

He made a confused sounding grunt.

“Bull, you are practically a mother hen,” Shadan chuckled, and she felt the curve of his mouth as he smiled against her head. “You keep all of them safe, trained and in line, to my knowledge that’s a solid chunk of parenting.” He made a disbelieving ‘hmm’. Shadan grabbed one of his horns and pulled his head down so she could look him in the eye, “Listen to me. You’ll do great. We’ll figure out the details as they come, but the fact that you’re here is enough for me.”

Bull smiled, kissing the bridge of her nose, “If you say so, Boss.”

A short horn sounded from the first gate across the bridge. There was no further fanfare so Shadan sighed in relief, “Not nobility, Maker knows I’ve handled enough emissaries today.” She felt more than heard Iron Bull’s rumbling laugh at the comment.

Two figures mounted on horseback were trotting across the stone bridge. From the distance all she could make out was that they were hooded, cloaked and that one was big enough to require a very large draft horse as their mount.

Shadan stepped out from Bull’s arms, letting out a slow breath and straightening her shoulders, getting back to business, “Qunari?”

Bull studied the pair another moment and shook his head. “They’re big enough, but they’d have to be Tal-Vashoth,” he stated, elaborating as he followed her to the door and down the stairwell. “The Antaam doesn’t send emissaries in travel gear without sending some kind of word ahead. And they wouldn’t use one of us to infiltrate, much less two. We stick out too much.”

“You were a spy,” Shadan noted.

“I was a special case,” he answered, “More of a hide-in-plain-sight kind of thing.”

Iron Bull followed Shadan into the main courtyard where two guards are receiving the newcomers. They were definitely Tal-Vashoth and Bull had to quell his gut instinct to act, something ingrained after years of fighting in places like Seheron, by reminding himself that he wasn’t Qunari either. That he hadn’t been for a while. Bull sighed inwardly and studied the pair, taking point for his Inquisitor and mother of his kid.

One was a large male, checking over the horse’s tack while they nibbled at the ground and the female talked with the guards. Both were wearing dusty traveling clothes, but the male’s hood was still pulled up over his head. The female was tall, as their kin typically were, towering a solid head in height over the armored human guards. Her dark gray skin made a stark contrast to her white hair which was pulled back into a long braid, slightly frayed by travel and with a strip of blue fabric woven into it. Her horns swept back from the crown of her head, angling upwards very slightly at the tips. She stood perfectly straight, with no bend to the shoulders or upper back of someone who spent any notable amount of time around the smaller races.

The male looked over at them as they approached, pushing his hood back as if to get a better look. His horns had been shorn down to stumps, the raw sawed edges long smoothed over by time. His unruly hair was a dark auburn color, tied back into a short ponytail. However, regardless of his musculature, the knotted wood staff strapped to the saddle of his horse gave a clear clue to where his actual skill in combat laid. A warm smile broke across the mage's weathered face and he walked towards them, his bright gold eyes fixed on the Inquisitor.

Shadan halted in her tracks when she saw the pair across the yard. Bull made a defensive step in front of her as the other male approached, but she moved around him, frowning in disbelief, "Dad? _Mom_?” 

Bull blinked, mentally backpedaling and looked at her, “What?” Though on second glance he could see similarities. Shadan had the same dark skin as her mother but her father’s hair color and a softened version of his features.

Shadan looked over her shoulder at him and gestured with a confused sort of helplessness, quickly turning to accept her father’s embrace when he reached her. Bull looked over to where Shadan’s mother was and found her giving him a look that would have sent weaker men running for cover. _‘So, that’s where she gets it,’_ Bull mused, betraying nothing on his face and settling for giving her a winning smile. That only made the look worse. One of the stablehands, hired by Dennet before he returned home, came running to collect the horses and Bull saw the woman’s countenance change completely. The severe expression turned gentle as she spoke to the boy before handing him the leads, the animals following him eagerly to the stables with the promise of rest and food. The little spymaster, Senka, had appeared from somewhere and appeared to be validating a letter with the two guards. The guards nodded to Shadan’s mother and returned to their posts.

Bull turned back to Shadan and found her having some kind of silent conversation with her father. She had her hands on her hips, watching his hands as he made a rapid series’ of gestures, fingers signing in a system Bull couldn’t follow. Shadan stopped her father mid-sentence by grabbing his hands and made a reply using the same system, punctuating it with an irritated jab in the direction where her mother was talking with Senka. Her father sighed, shaking his head and giving a one armed strug. Shadan folded her arms across her chest, scowling, “Typical.” He chuckled, cupping her cheek in his palm and Bull saw her anger soften a little. She signed a short sentence that her father repeated before embracing her again, standing to the side as to not smash her pregnant belly. He studied Bull over his daughter’s shoulder, golden eyes narrowed suspiciously before he pulled back and signed.

Shadan swatted her father’s arm, “You don’t have the right to judge me or him,” she scowled and Bull was mildly surprised to see that statement immediately cowed the larger man. He signed an apology before asking something that made Shadan snort, “No, most of the time he doesn’t.”

“I do what?” Bull asked, folding his arms across his chest, not used to being this far out of the loop of conversation.

“He asked if you always walk around half naked,” Shadan smirked as her father stepped forward and after a moment of hesitation, offered his hand. “Bull, this is my father, Revas.”

Bull clasped the mage’s forearm and they shook, “The Iron Bull. You surprised us.” Now that he was close enough Bull could see the dotted scars around Revas’ mouth. Faded over decades but a more tell-tale sign than even his docked horns that he had once been a Saarebas.

Revas gave a weary sigh, rolling his eyes over at his wife, and signing.

Shadan transcribed, “We got a letter. Took some time to get a boat to the Storm Coast. Your mother is-“ she snorted, scowling at her father. And he frowned at her in return.

Bull quirked a brow after a silent moment, “Care to fill me in, Boss?”

Shadan muttered something unpleasant under her breath, glancing at Bull and shaking her head a little before turning back to her father. “She lost that privilege years ago, Dad,” she said coolly.

Revas exhaled heavily, obviously keeping his own temper in check, and signed in short aggressive movements.

Shadan had on the barely masked look of irritation for when she was required to be civil, but would rather just throw someone through a wall. “I’ll talk,” she said tightly, stopping his hands. “I’ll talk, but she won’t listen.” That seemed to appease Revas and he sighed, signing again.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” she answered wearily, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “Tell mom to get someone to take you and that I’ll meet you both in my study.”

Revas nodded, squeezing her shoulder lightly before he turned and walked back.

Shadan sighed heavily, shaking her head and looking over at Bull. “I have a… tense relationship with my parents, but I should talk to them.”

He put a hand on her back, stroking lightly with his thumb, “Did you know they were coming?”

“No,” she shook her head, refocusing and calming herself at his touch. “I haven’t written, much less spoken, to them in years. I don’t know what he meant by letter,” she said to herself in bewilderment.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

Shadan paused, “I do, but it’d be better if I went alone. My mother and I didn’t part on good terms.” She turned, noticing then that Senka was walking over and she frowned, her voice tinged with irritation, “Did _you_ write to my parents?”

Senka had the good grace to at least fake an apologetic look, “I was not aware of your history, but I felt that they were included amongst the relevant persons who should be told personally.” She saw the Inquisitor’s clenched jaw and raised her hands placatingly, “I trust it is for the best, they were not safe in the Free Marches. My people have been sending me some worrying things as of late.”

Shadan frowned, irritation momentarily forgotten as she instantly switched over from herself to The Inquisitor. “What worrying things?”

“Not so much worrying I suppose, to be honest,” Senka crossed her arms, brow furrowed slightly. “Odd things. City elves wandering the roads, leaving their alienages and traveling in aravels with Dalish. Most appear to be traveling out from the Free Marches and west towards Nevarra.”

“That is odd,” Shadan agreed, Bull stood behind her with his arms crossed, “but i think it’s hardly reason enough to think that my parents were in danger.”

Senka shrugged, “True, but I wouldn’t have gotten as far as I have without following my instincts. I know something is happening in the Free Marches and once I know what it is, so will you.”

Shadan sighed, “Okay, okay, fine. But to be clear I’m not happy that your _instincts_ are forcing me to parlay with my mother.” She glowered mildly at the smaller woman who shrugged, though there was a barely there impish gleam in her eyes.

“Duly noted. And also, your mother wishes for me to pass on that she wants to speak with The Iron Bull as well and not to ‘hide him away as if we hadn’t noticed him’,” the spymaster smirked faintly, glancing behind Shadan to the horned man. “Inquisitor,” she bowed at the waist before taking her leave.

“Explain to me why I ever said that I liked her,” Shadan groused, starting towards the keep.

Bull chuckled, falling in step beside her and after a few moments of her silence he looked over, seeing Shadan’s dour expression, “Tell me what happened.”

Shadan blinked up at him, pulled from her thoughts, “I-” she sighed, climbing the steps. “My mother was Qunari military before she left and I was a very willful kid. So that should be explanation enough. I was always running off and exploring where I shouldn’t. Constantly getting into trouble.”

Bull smirked at the mental image, but said nothing. Her eyes were distracted, her expression far away.

“It drove my mother insane,” Shadan continued, “but she did everything she could to keep me in the village. Work. Chores.” She gave a bitter grin, “She actually locked me in the house a few times when I got older. Ended up being more like a circle templar than a mother.” She clenched her hands into fists, “I didn’t want to stay there, I couldn’t and she knew that, but she didn’t care.” Her voice was coming out tighter as the old anger started to resurface. “When she started taking about marrying me off-” Shadan gave a bitter chuckle and shook her head. “We fought. Badly.” She looked over at Bull, her eyes tired, “You can imagine how much damage a teenage mage with only rudimentary training can do. I mean, she knocked me down pretty easy, but I just kept coming at her and eventually I just ran. Swore never to come back.” She shook her head with a self-deprecative tone, “I hated her so much back then. I was just a child, but I don’t regret leaving.”

Bull frowned, she had never talked much about her early life, but he could easily imagine her fighting tooth and nail against the constrictive bonds of an overly protective mother. “Where was your father during all of this?”

Shadan exhaled through her nose with a wry smirk. “You figured out that he was a Saarebas, right?”

Bull shrugged, “The horns were a bit obvious, but being mute _and_ having the mouth scars?”

“Right, well,” she opened the door that led to the staircase up to her study, Bull held the door as she walked through, “He’s not a pushover, but he was always more passive compared to my mother. I love my dad, but I guess he wanted the same thing as her, to keep me safe and contained, so he never helped me.”

They reached the landing and Shadan hesitated, looking at the door, her back tight and ramrod straight. Bull put his hands on her shoulders, not pushing her forward, just assuring her of his presence and she let out a slow breath. "Better get this over with," she muttered, opening the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beware all ye who enter here.  
> I am actually developing a plot, with the beta/assistance of the lovely SweetTeaholic. Me. Actual plot. Im kinda scared of the concept but im gonna try my darnedest. Should be fun with a dash of fluff for flavor. Let’s do eet!
> 
> Coming next FAMILY DRAMA! XD


	4. Old Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *throws cookies and cakes at SweetTeaholic*
> 
> Booyah! Updated both fics in two days! Boo-fuckin'-yah!

“Hello Mother.”

Revas looked over from his spot by the window and her mother got up from her chair, “Shadan,” she took a step forward, but any smile she may have attempted wilted under her daughter’s stony expression and she frowned deeply in return. “After all this time, that’s _all_ you have to say?”

Shadan threw her mother a withering look before crossing her arms and leaning against the bookshelf by the desk. “Bull. This is my mother, Kestrel. Mother, this is The Iron Bull,” she introduced with a short gesture.

Bull nodded, “Ma’am.”

Kestrel turned her narrowed green eyes at him, “So _you’re_ the mercenary.” She appraised him from a few steps away, not satisfied with what she saw if the unpleasant turn of her mouth was anything to go by. “How did you come to be here at Skyhold?”

Bull shrugged, feigning nonchalance as Shadan quietly seethed behind him, “Simple. The Inquisitor hired me and my group to fight the bad guys.”

“You’re not Qunari. If you were I could hardly imagine you standing this many Tal-Vashoth in the one place without slaughtering them on sight.” Kestrel didn’t seem to hear it, but Bull caught Shadan growling what little Qunlat she knew under her breath. None of it pleasant.

Bull on the other hand, took the older woman’s attitude in stride, canting his head a little bit to the side. “I _was_ Qunari, but they gave me a choice and I picked the other side.” He paused half a beat before adding, “I was a Ben-Hassrath before though, if you want me to be more specific.” As expected, Kestrel’s eyes narrowed but not before flicking with concern towards her daughter. Revas was somewhat less subtle, his shoulders jerking straight at the news.

“Bull,” Shadan muttered behind him, whether in warning or in exasperation of him intentionally baiting her parents to gauge their reactions, he wasn’t sure. Old habits die hard, he reasoned to himself.

Kestrel rolled her eyes in disbelief, “You chose? And they just _let_ you live?"

Bull smirked, "They let me live because they knew it would be a waste of men to try to kill me."

The woman raised a skeptical brow, "You have a very high opinion of yourself."

"I've been told," he shrugged.

Kestrel gave an unimpressed 'hmm,' and peered at him, "What was your name under the Qun?”

“Hiisrad,” Bull supplied without hesitation, half-smirking and almost wanting the older woman to make a deal out of him. Truth be told, for once he didn’t want the situation to devolve into a fight, but Shadan’s anger and anxiety was nearly palpable in the air and this woman was at least the primary source of it. 

Kestrel barely bothered hiding the contempt on her face, “Liar. Oh that _is_ wonderful,” she then looked at Shadan with an expression that was mostly judgmental and part as if she was expecting some sort of explanation.

“Mother,” Shadan growled softly, her fists white-knuckled against her crossed arms.

Kestrel scowled back, “I can’t say that I am too surprised. But a Qunari spy?” she sighed heavily, “Honestly I raised you with better sense than that.” She held up a hand at Shadan’s tense step forward, “And don’t start on my questions,” she frowned. “I have a right to know _some_ things given that he is apparently the father of my grandchild.”

Shadan grinned dangerously, showing a hint of teeth, her tone tight and angry, “As far as I’m concerned you are only here because I am allowing you to be. Not because you have any right to be anywhere near me or _my_ child.” She held her mother’s widened eyes for a moment, “But I swear, if you keep interrogating Bull; you’ll see just how far that allowance gets you.”

Bull’s brow creased, by her bearing alone Shadan was only a step or two away from setting someone on fire and he didn’t often see her loosen the grip on her anger so easily. Then at the same time he found the fact that some of her anger was for his benefit _extremely_ hot. Bull was a man who operated on multiple levels at any given time.

Kestrel frowned in confusion, glancing at Revas when he stepped forward signing, “But we got a letter from you. You _asked_ for us to be here.”

“My spymaster sent you that without my knowledge, much less my consent,” Shadan explained curtly, taking a slow breath to reel in her temper and steeling herself against the hurt look in her father’s eyes. 

Revas signed something to Shadan, confusion still writ on his face.

Her temper abated a degree, “Dad, I tried to get in contact with you two several times, but I never got anything back. After a while I figured that was a clear enough answer,” she ended bitterly. 

Revas frowned accusingly at his wife who averted her eyes.

A tense silence followed, neither woman looking at the other and neither daring to break the silence first.

“Shadan-”, Kestrel started, trying for gentleness.

The mage looked at her mother with a furrowed brow and a clenched jaw, but uncertainty in her eyes.

“I know I was-”, Kestrel paused, frowning as if it was difficult to find the words under the weight of her pride.

Shadan threw a sardonic smile, “Controlling? Judgmental? Restrictive? Please stop me when I’m warm.”

Kestrel opened her mouth, frowning as if to argue but not before Revas bumped her shoulder and gave her a gently pointed look. She sighed, “You should know that all I wanted was for you to be safe.”

Shadan threw a mirthless bark of laughter, “You wanted me to hide away in the Marches and be a complacent farmer’s wife!”

Kestrel snapped then, “You had no idea what was out there! People like _him_ ,” and she pointed accusingly at Iron Bull, who frowned deeply, “who would have slaughtered you on sight just for being what you are!”

“ **They tried!!** ” Shadan roared back, shocking the other woman into stunned silence, but she kept on. “I had to kill someone _weeks_ after leaving home because he was going to murder me for what coin I had. I was seventeen! A child! And the first group that took me in used me as bait to draw off Tal-Vashoth bandits, probably figuring they wouldn’t hurt one of “their own”, she sneered. “That’s how I got this,” she lined the old scar running from the corner of her jaw straight up into her hairline and to the vertical groove on the side of her horn. “Was lucky the bastard’s swing went wide.”

“It was _years_ before I ran into a Ben-Hassrath,” she reined in her volume, but her anger was still strong, “Thankfully by that time I was better at dodging and barriers.” She went forward a step, “I have spent half of my lifetime away from you, but you know what? Even through all the close calls, all my near death hits, I have had five times the life I would have if I had stayed in that village with you.” 

Bull pulled Shadan back a step when he saw lighting beginning to spark in her hands. “Kadan,” he said softly, pulling her towards him, cradling her face in his hands and holding her gaze until she took a steadying breath, her magic dissipating. She looked down at the floor, grimacing, eyes brimming with angry tears. Heedless of their audience, Bull tucked her against his chest, speaking softly until her shoulders relaxed. Shadan pulled back a little and Bull pressed his forehead to hers for a moment before letting go.

Shadan turned, looking her parents straight in the eye, her voice calmer but still with that undercurrent of old pain. “Instead of trying to contain me, you should have taught me. Shown me how to defend myself, taught me how to keep out of danger. If you did that, maybe I wouldn’t have had as much trouble in the beginning.” She took a breath, straightening her back and Bull recognized her steely Inquisitor face. “This is my life. I fell into in as much as I chose it and your only option is to accept that.” She waited a beat, “You can accept it or you can leave.” It was an ultimatum, leaving no room for discussion or argument. “I’m sure we have rooms somewhere, if you decide that you can stay, my ambassador will have someone find them for you.”

Bull watched her turn and leave, her Inquisitorial mask cracking as soon as she turned on her heel. Once the door closed and her footsteps were out of earshot he sighed, shaking his head.

“Aren’t you going to follow her?” Kestrel asked, breaking the silence.

Bull shook his head, “No. She needs a minute to herself.” He looked over at the pair, frowning slightly, “If Shadan did try to reconnect with the pair of you in the past and you’re only answering now that there’s a kid involved, in my book you don’t deserve to be here. But,” he shrugged, interrupting their chance at a retort. “that isn’t my call and it’s her choice whether you stay or not. But if you talk to her like that again,” Bull said, his tone dropping warningly, “I’ll make sure you regret it. Shadan has enough crap to handle without you adding to it.” 

Revas crossed his arms and looking solemnly out the window, there was regret and guilt in the lines of his face and for a moment Bull wondered if things would have been different for Shadan if her father had ever stood up for her. Kestrel on the other hand was studying Bull with a furrowed brow, seeming to ignore his threat. When she didn’t say anything Bull turned to leave, “I made mistakes,” she said finally, pinching the bridge of her nose like Shadan did when trying to get her thoughts together. “If I could do it over again, I’d do it all differently.”

Bull snorted, shaking his head with his hand on the door, “I’m not the one you need to tell that.”

“Do you love her?”

Bull blinked, looking back over his shoulder and was surprised to find tears in the old soldier’s eyes. He allowed his expression to soften, giving an honest smile, “I do. Her and the kid.”

Kestrel looked as if she was struggling not to lose her composure and nodded, “Thank you.”

Bull paused with his hand still on the door, “I think you can still fix this.”

Kestrel nodded taking a steadying breath, “I owe it to her to at least try.” Revas stepped over and put an arm around her shoulders, nodding at Bull.

Bull left the two alone, shutting the door and went off to find were Shadan had holed herself up.

—-

Shadan stood at the base of the stairs outside the keep, taking slow, regular breaths to calm her heart and listened around her. Merchants and traders in the courtyard, soldiers doing drills, the distant whinnies and bugles from the stables and then a trio of children ran past her screaming with laughter. Everywhere around her there was life and activity.

She remembered the quiet and the solitude of the village she grew up in. Tal-Vashoth all working to keep their heads down and out of trouble, staying downwind of the ones who took up banditry and avoid the retributive arm of the Antaam. It was always so quiet, some would say it was peaceful; but the ever-present undercurrent of fear soured everything. Fear of a bad season of crops, fear of bandits, Blight, drought, Qunari… That fear seeped into the stone and wood of their homes and the air that they breathed.

Growing up after leaving had been difficult, but she’d made it. By her own strength and wits she’d managed every challenge the wide world had thrown her way, promising to herself never to live in that sort of fear ever again. Somehow she’d managed that. With the help of her friends and allies, they’d destroyed an ancient darkspawn threat and cultivated what they hoped was a better world. And she had to believe that Skyhold was an example of that. A place that didn’t deal in shadows and Orlesian backstabbing or other machinations for power simply for the sake of having more power. It was were people could be safe to live their lives, to help each other. She didn’t care if it made her naively idealistic, but she honestly believed that the world could be more than just a swamp of pain and fear if those who had the means worked to make it so.

Walking to the gardens she nodded to the few who looked up from their work to greet her, musing about her mother. Logically she knew Kestrel had been terrified for her and that holding onto her childhood anger was the least constructive way to handle it, but it was so deeply buried and had taken such firm roots that she honestly didn’t know if she could really ever let it go.

Sitting on a bench beside the new growth of elfroot she looked around, half expecting to find Cole hanging off the eaves given her conflicted thoughts.

Sera vaulted over the half-wall, landing on the stone bench at a crouch, “The hell got your face stuck that way?”

Shadan nearly smacked the elf when she turned around, startled out of her thoughts, “For the love of-” she barked, laughing for a moment, “Sera, I have enough trouble getting _Cole_ not to do that. Can you please not sneak up on me?”

Sera made a rude noise and slumped down into a mostly proper sitting position, “Not my fault you weren’ paying attention.” She then cocked her head at Shadan, “Seriously though, what’s wrong with you?”

She sighed, “Nothing’s wrong, it’s- It’s kind of complicated.”

The elf snorted, peering at her suspiciously, “I saw two’a your people come through the gate earlier, didn’t see where they went. Something to do with them?” At the mage’s tired, defeated groan she hopped up onto the balls of her feet, squatting at a crouch, “It is!”

Shadan looked up at the sky, beseeching whatever powers that actually existed to get Sera to drop the topic, but she sighed when no dramatic sign of divine intervention came. Rubbing her eyes she looked over at the elf, “They were my parents.”

“Oh!” she chirruped, then frowned, “Oh,” she paused, “That’s… bad. I’m guessing that’s a bad thing?”

“It’s a… complicated thing,” Shadan reiterated with a sigh.

“Well, can’t be that bad, at least you have them, unless they’re rubbish.” She narrowed her eyes, “They ain’t rubbish are they?”

“Mostly not,” she gave the elf a reassuring look, knowing Sera’s protective streak. “It was mostly my mother, but she was just trying to protect me. Just held a bit too tightly. There was a fight involved when I left.”

“That why you never talk about them?” Sera frowned in thought, “They here because of the-” she gestured vaguely at Shadan’s rounded belly.

“Sort of and Yes.”

Sera made a rude snort, “If they’re just coming now because of that, then they’re rubbish. Should’ve come to help when Corphy-spit was trying to tear the world up.”

“I broke ties with them years before that, Sera,” she reasoned.

“Doesn’t matter. Parents are parents. I never had any, well I guess I did once but none that mattered. Point is! If they’re here now then they could’ve been here then.” She folded her arms across her chest, expression daring Shadan to argue with her logic, “Simple.”

Shadan smiled, “I guess it is when you put it that way.” The mage pushed up off the bench, the move requiring a little more effort than normal given her pregnancy weight throwing off her balance. She grumbled, “Yeah, I’m about ready for this kid to be out.”

“Well that’s your own damned fault now, idn’t it?” Sera snorted, grinning wide and teasing.

Shadan tapped her chin musingly, “Well, actually an argument could be made that it’s really Bull’s fault for not pulling out.”

Sera made a disgusted noise mixed with her laughter, “Ugh, too right!” She then shook her head like an imaginary shiver had gone up her spine at the thought, “Seriously though, ugh, I like the guy and all but I don’t need to think about _that_. Gross.”

Shadan grinned wickedly at the elf, “Oh? You sure you don’t want to hear about Bull’s big-”

“ACK! Stop it!!” Sera shouted, waving her hands frantically then dissolving into a fit of her nasally giggles.

Shadan laughed, turning when she heard her name, seeing a man jogging towards them. “Blackwall?” she frowned at his flushed face, meaning he had rushed to find her, “What’s wrong?”

“Inquisitor. I was in the rookery and a raven brought this”, he said, controlling and evening out his breaths, handing her a tightly rolled scroll. “I couldn’t find that little rogue anywhere but I figured you’d need to see this anyway. I had one of Senka’s people break the cipher for me.”

Shadan quirked a brow and took the scroll, unrolling it and finding both the original and decoded sheet. It was a report from one of Senka’s agents in the field, she read it over once, blinking, then frowning at the unseen implications upon the second scan.

“What is it?” Sera asked, standing on her tip-toes to try and see.

“I’m honestly not entirely sure yet,” Shadan rerolled the papers. “Wall, can you find Cullen and get him to the War Room?”

The man nodded with an affirmative, thumping a fist to his breast before jogging off. For a brief moment Shadan wondered how long Rainier was going to continue serving the Inquisition since he was always free to leave. He was dedicated and she trusted his desire to repent for his mistakes, but sometimes she wondered if one morning he was just going to be gone like after Adamant.

“You want me to find the sneaky one?” Sera asked, interrupting Shadan’s thoughts with a knowing roll of her eyes. At the mage’s chuckle she shrugged, “I’ll go find her,” at a few steps away she turned, walking backwards, “Those rubbish parents of yours give you trouble, I’ll give them trouble.” She made an irritated ‘ugh’ at Shadan’s frown but interrupted her before the Tal-Vashoth could say a word. “Fine. _No arrows_ ,” and ran off. 

Shadan laughed to herself, shaking her head and gripping the scroll, making her way back to the main keep. She lifted her dress a little as she mounted the steps as quickly as she could, nearly tripping when Bull grabbed her arms before colliding with him halfway up. “Shadan?” he peered at her, with his brow quirked, “You okay, Boss?”

She straightened up, “I’m fine.” She saw the question in his eyes and waved it off, “I’ll handle my mother later, but now-” she lifted the rolled paper in her hand and waved it a little, before continuing up the steps, “War Room.”

Bull rolled his eye at the woman’s rushing and followed her, “What is that?”

“The Inquisition is being summoned to the Thedasian Summit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!  
> It’s actually rolling along! HOLY SHIT!  
> I mean yeah, it’s step-by-step but this is HUGE FOR ME!! *excited*
> 
> A little Wall and slightly more Sera. I adore Sera buuuuut not entirely sure what to do with the bear. I’ll play with him a bit >3


	5. First Snow of Winter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy-two-month-hiatus Batman DX  
> Life got crazy, but i only have four more weeks of this semester before my little break, so *fingers crossed*
> 
> Love to everyone still willing and wanting and patient enough with me to keep up with this thing. Y'all are the best. Love you!!!

Shadan leaned forward, her hands braced against the polished heartwood of the war table. For all appearances she was studying the markers arrayed across the map as her advisors discussed matters around her, but in truth she was focusing on not tipping over onto the floor. She knew the sudden wash of dizziness was due in some part to her pregnancy, but the headaches and vertigo spells had been growing more frequent in the last month. The chief healer at Skyhold’s clinic assured her that it was normal, but as far as she knew no-one else was aware. Not even Bull. She had felt a little guilty about not telling him, but he worried about her enough as it was. The room slowly stopped pitching around her and she tuned back into what was being said.

Josephine handed the decoded report back over to the spymaster’s side of the table, “And your scout is absolutely positive about this information?”

“If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have sent it,” Senka shrugged, taking the sheet. “We should be getting the official invitation in a few days, so this at least gives us time to plan.”

“Plan?” Cullen lifted a questioning brow, “It’s a summit, not a battleground.”

“It’s simply a different field,” Josephine smiled cheerily, jotting something down on her scroll board. “A meeting between every ruler in Thedas,” she said loftily, evidently picturing it in her minds-eye, before chuckling at the man. “Commander, how is that _not_ a battle?”

“Explain again,” Shadan sighed irritably before straightening back up, immediately drawing attention after her extended silence. “Why is the Inquisition even being invited to this? We’re not a nation, we’re peacekeepers.”

“Peacekeepers with a sizable amount of political and military power,” Senka reminded her, not looking up. She was frowning as she studied the map laid across the table, so she did not see the Vashoth nod her assent to the point.

“No, Adaar is correct,” Josephine agreed, putting her board down. “It is a bit unorthodox. Even at their height there was never a reason for the Inquisitor to sit in. Though granted the world was very different at that time.” She waved her hand dismissively, her quill arcing with the motion, “I imagine that this is largely a formality given the amount of influence the Inquisition holds.”

“I agree,” Cullen nodded. He looked over at Shadan, appearing slightly uncomfortable, “Inquisitor, if I may make a suggestion?”

She lifted a brow at the shift in his demeanor, “What is it?”

The man rubbed the back of his neck, “With King Theirin hosting the summit it’ll take at least a month to reach Denerim. And, well-”

Shadan gave him a flat look, seeing him unsure how to approach whatever topic he was aiming for, but her lingering headache was wearing down her patience. “Cullen, speak plainly.”

“All right,” he frowned, folding his arms across his chest, “Speaking plainly, you’re at least halfway along with your pregnancy and the summit is in three months. You won’t be in any condition to travel that kind of distance.” The Commander held the Vashoth’s eyes as he spoke, he knew pointing out her weaknesses was a necessary gamble since she so often ignored them herself. “I think you should send a proxy in your stead.”

Shadan frowned, her gut reaction was for her to deny that she’d ever be any less capable, but her headache panged sharply behind her eyes, almost making her wince and she relented. “You’re right-” That answer made the man blink in surprise, as he’d expected an argument. “But I have to go myself.”

Cullen leaned forward, hands braced on the table and his brow knit with irritation. “Shadan you can’t-”

She glared at him, tone stern, “Regardless of the Inquisition’s strength there are still enough who doubt me that I don’t have the luxury of sending a proxy. I can’t afford to appear weak, Cullen, so I’m going and that’s final.”

After a few moments Cullen sighed and straightened back up, “Yes, Inquisitor.”

Shadan softened her expression, though she could tell that he still was not completely convinced, “I appreciate your concern and aside from this, I won’t take any other risks. I promise.”

Cullen suppressed a chuckle, “Not that you plan on them, but risky situations seem to trail after you like a Mabari pup trails its mother.”

Shadan smirked faintly, “That’s hardly my fault.”

Josephine made a thoughtful ‘ah’ as she picked her board back up to jot down a note. “In that case, I would not recommend a carriage. Even with how well used the East Road is, it’s not kind to the wheels of a coach.”

“Well, she can’t _ride_ to Denerim,” Cullen stated, eyes uncertain, “Wouldn’t horseback endanger the child?”

“I’m surprised you even know that,” Josephine said with a small smile, “And yes it could, but our Inquisitor is not limited to horses.”

After a pause Shadan suggested, “If we modify the saddle for one of the nuggalopes it’d be comfortable enough for long-distance travel.” She didn’t bother hiding her smile, warmed by her advisor’s concern not only for her comfort, but the health of her unborn child. “The darkest one, Beor, has the smoothest gait,” she shrugged one shoulder, “I’ll take him.”

“I will order a requisition to the saddler,” Josephine nodded.

It was then that Shadan realized how quiet Senka had become. She looked over at the petite woman, still studying the map with a hard look in her eye, obviously fixating on something. “Senka?” It took a moment for the spymaster to react and look up. “Something on your mind?”

Senka folded her arms across her chest, fingers drumming against the leather on her forearms, “The timing concerns me,” she frowned. “With the strange issues in the Marches, something is happening behind the scenes, but they’re very good and my agents can’t get a pin on them.” She scowled down at the map, her jaw tense for a moment before looking back up. “The fact that this is happening just around the Summit? Frankly? It has me worried.”

“I thought that was just city elves traveling with Dalish?” Shadan remarked. “Odd, but hardly a precursor to an attack.” She saw the deepened furrow in her spymaster’s brow, “You think this _shadow group_ , or whoever they are, will attempt something at the Summit?”

“It’s not completely outside the realm of possibility Inquisitor, but on the other end I have been called paranoid in the past.”

“But you wouldn’t have gotten as far as you have if you hadn’t followed your instincts,” Shadan said, echoing the other woman's own words from earlier that day. This earned an assenting shrug.

Cullen shook his head, “They’d be mad to attack the palace with the guards and entourages each leader will be bringing with them,” he stated incredulously.

“It does not hurt to be prepared, Commander,” Josephine noted.

Shadan nodded, “Right. As this progresses keep everyone’s eyes up and ears open, I don’t want to be caught in the open if something _does_ happen.” She looked directly at Senka, “I want _any_ new information you find, whether you think it relevant or not.” Towards Cullen, “Start thinking of who and how many we should bring and organize a guard for when we leave. Including a guard rotation for the Peak down the slope. Best to start planning early.” And lastly to Josephine, “I’ll need information on who’s going to be there. Personal if possible, I want to know who I am going to be dealing with.”

They all nodded or saluted with affirmatives before turning out.

Once backs were turned she leaned her hip against the table and rubbed her temple, her headache rising back up behind her right eye. After the doors opened and slowly started to drift closed she heard Cullen and Bull talking just outside the council chamber. She had figured the other Tal-Vashoth would hang outside waiting for the meeting to finish. When the voices took an irritated tone she sighed, suspecting that Cullen was trying to recruit Bull in talking her out of going. The door’s were still half open as she walked around the table, glowering at her Commander’s back. By the upward flick of Iron Bull’s eye and the amused smirk that tugged at his mouth, she guessed her assumption was correct. Stepping through the doors and striding up smoothly beside the human, she leaned down just enough to say into his ear, “Cullen, I don’t like to repeat myself.” She smirked at his surprised twitch but gave him a hard look when he turned to face her, “And I’m surprised that you honestly thought that Bull could change my mind.”

Cullen frowned, his face flushing a little upon being found out and caught so easily, but he continued stubbornly. “Inquisitor, I would be the last person to call you weak but you _are_ vulnerable right now and will be more so in the next few months. You can’t ignore that and put yourself or your child at risk.”

Her frayed temper flared up at his deliberate insubordination, but she gritted her teeth against her instinctive retort. She understood he was speaking out of concern not criticism. “In a perfect world, no, I would not be going, but _as I said before_ ,” she intoned lowly. “You know that there are those just waiting for us, for _me_ , to trip up in some way. The Inquisition’s public image is my responsibility and we cannot afford to falter and appear weakened.” She saw him almost open his mouth again to argue but she stepped forward before he had the chance, looking down from her greater height. “Cullen,” she said in warning when he did not immediately back down.

Bull diffused the tension by slapping a hand on Cullen’s armored shoulder, assuring him with a light tone, “The Chargers won’t let anything come within fifty yards of the caravan. Let it be Cullen, she’ll be just as safe on the road as she is here.”

Cullen gave him a disbelieving look but bowed his head to Shadan, “I’m-” he sighed. “Apologies. I’ll start on those plans.” He then turned and left.

When Cullen was out of sight Shadan risked a look towards Bull who did _not_ look pleased, his lighter attitude forgotten. She sighed heavily, leaning against the wall and closing her eyes to rub the corners of her eyes. “Oh don’t you start,” she grumbled wearily. With her eyes closed for the moment she didn’t know Bull was rounding on her, until he grabbed her by the upper arms and had her backed up against the wall. She blinked up at him, momentarily startled by the move before getting her bearings and frowning at him. “Bull-” but she stopped, studying the conflicted emotions in his face.

He didn’t look as if he knew whether to be irritated or worried, more angered or concerned. After a few tense moments he settled for pressing his forehead to hers, closing his eye and exhaling slowly, his hands sliding off her arms and bracing against the stone above her shoulders. She relaxed and leaned into him, the cool stone at her back and the warmth emanating from his body somehow diminishing the pounding in her skull. “I hope you know what you’re doing,” he grumbled at length.

Shadan slipped her hands up and looped her arms behind his neck, pulling him in. She knew he was worried. He would have undoubtedly worked out the risks already if Cullen hadn’t hold him himself, but he still trusted her to make the right choices. He had trusted her with his men and the Qunari dreadnaught. He trusted her when he followed her into The Fade. No matter how much she knew he wanted her safe, he still trusted her to make the call. Of course she knew this wasn’t the most ideal situation in the world, but she also knew it was important that she was present at this meeting. Most days being in charge just sucked. “I know you’ll keep any hostiles off my back,” she said softly before kissing him, not entirely sure if it was more to assure him or herself.

Bull made a low sound, some cross between an irritated grunt and a pleased groan. One large hand tangled lightly with her hair to hold the back of her head as he deepened the kiss, leaning closer with his other hand at her waist. At length he pulled back enough to mutter against her mouth, “I’m starting to think that you enjoy making my life difficult.”

Shadan snorted, smirking, “You’re the one who signed yourself up as a _frontline bodyguard_. Your choice, not mine,” she added with a mockingly singsong lilt to her voice.

He made a thoughtful sound in his throat, “Maybe I would have picked something else if I knew then how much trouble you willingly threw yourself into.” His hand at her waist slipped over the ring velvet of her dress to the small of her back, pulling her up close against him but still being gentle around the swell of her belly.

“Oh, you know you like it,” she grinned, nipping his bottom lip. “Keeps you on your toes,” she added before pulling him in for another lazy kiss. This day seemed like it had just been one thing after another. Early morning meetings, her parents and now _this_? Needless to say, she indulged in this little moment before the rest of the world had a chance to rush back in around her.

He grumbled against her mouth even as his lips twitched upwards into a smile. The baby chose that very moment to kick out, making Shadan jerk back in surprise and look down with a laugh. “What’s-?” Bull blinked, not sure if he had felt something and followed her gaze. She guided his hand around and after a moment he flinched in surprise when it kicked again, making a wide grin spread across his face.

Shadan couldn’t help but laugh at his expression, but it turned to a yelp as Bull backed up half a step to bend and pick her up off the ground. One arm under her legs and the other cradling her back. She scowled at him, heat rising to her cheeks as he stood back up without difficulty. After years of being so much larger than most people, in addition to feeling weighed down by her pregnancy, she was taken aback by how easily Bull could lift her. And judging by the pleased glint in his eye the bastard knew it too.

She thought of protesting, but she knew there was no one around to see and a small part of her, perhaps larger than her pride would admit, enjoyed this. Shadan relented with a small shake of her head, exhaling as she tucked her head into his shoulder, mindful not to jab his face with the point of her horns. “You’re ridiculous,” she muttered against his skin, looping her arms loosely around his neck.

“And you’re exhausted,” he countered, starting to walk.

Shadan groaned in protest against this shoulder, shaking her head, “Bull, it’s barely midday. I have work to do, there’s no time for sleep.”

She felt him turn his head enough to brush his mouth to the point of her ear, “I don’t think I mentioned anything about sleeping,” he said in an octave far too low to be properly labeled as a purr, but it sent a tingle down her spine all the same. Shadan chuckled against his neck as he pushed open a side door out of the war room’s antechamber, taking what she knew was an alternate round-about route to her chambers. 

Josephine was settling a stack of papers on her desk, barely hearing Adaar and Bull’s indiscernible voices beyond the wood and stone separating the two rooms. When there was the distant thud of a shutting door followed by silence she shook her head with a small smile and settled down to work.

—-

As predicted, the official summons arrived three days later. The news had, at first, sparked a flurry of activity as it spread rapidly through Skyhold, but it soon tapered down to business as usual. Stocking and repairing supplies for the trip, organizing people, mounts and correspondences for lodgings along the East Road occupied the majority of Shadan’s time. So much so that, if she hadn’t seen them in passing, she would have nearly forgotten that her parent’s had opted to remain at the keep. Her father had come forward after a few days to bridge the rift between them, but her mother had been absent since their meeting in her study.

That day, irritated by an overly delayed reply from Lothering, she wandered out to the gardens to clear her head. It had snowed the night before, leaving an ankle deep blanket of white in the morning, though it had been tramped down into trails crisscrossing the yards before midday. Shadan tucked her chin into the fur trim of her longcoat, the tips of her ears and the base of her horns quickly feeling chilled, but the fresher air was a welcome trade-off. The air inside the stone castle grew thicker and stale during the cold months as windows were draped to keep the warmth from the fires and brasiers inside.

Stepping out of the walkway she heard Cole at the other end of the garden, curious she walked over. She found him talking with her father on the steps of the gazebo and as she neared Revas looked up mid-gesture and gave her a hesitant smile.

"What are you two up to?" She asked, snow crunching under her boots as she walked forward, leaning a hip against the railing beside her father.

Cole smiled, "Talking."

She canted her head curiously, "You can read his signs?"

Cole shook his head, stopping mid-shake as if reconsidering it and shrugged. "I listen to his hands, and I hear the words in his fingers."

Revas chuckled, signing, ' _He's remarkable. Cole has told me what he is and how he works, I didn't believe that spirits could even exist as he does_.'

She chuckled, "You should have met Solas, he would have told you all about different spirits. And the Fade. And history.” She paused, shaking her head a little at the memory and giving a wry smile. “Solas could tell you about a lot of things actually. At length if you let him.”

"Revas was telling me about you." Cole piped in.

Shadan raised a brow, and Revas looked a little sheepish under her gaze. "Nothing too bad I hope."

Cole shook his head, "Nothing bad, he's very proud of you. You grew so strong without him. Sorry he held you back, only wanting you safe. The bite of the leash and collar was still so fresh then, the wounds and memories so raw. Never wanted to risk that for you."

Revas blinked, looking between her and the spirit, as Shadan sighed, shaking her head though her tone was fond. "Cole. Remember what I said about doing that?"

The boy blinked owlishly before giving a small, "Oh."

She chuckled, reaching over to ruffle the top of his head so his hat was left askew. Looking at her father, his eyes unsure, she gave him a small reassuring smile. "It was a long time ago, I shouldn't have, but I blamed her not you."

Revas relaxed. ' _We were both young and scared and only did what we thought was right for you. I'm as much to blame as your mother_.'

"I know, I know. It’s just I didn’t grow up angry at you,” she folded her arms across her chest, noticing Cole's frown. "What is it?"

Cole looked up at her, wide brim hat still slanted, "You want to forgive her, but you don’t know if you can. The hurt is tangled in your heart so tight. You'll need to cut the knot, it won't unravel on its own."

Regardless of the fact that she knew he was right, she still leveled a frown at the boy.

"Sorry," he said meekly, dropping his shoulders a bit.

She couldn’t keep up the frown for long and shook her head, seeing Cole smile up at her when he was once again forgiven.

Revas cleared his throat to get Shadan’s attention again, ' _I still don't think this is a good idea. You traveling that far right now-_ ' He stopped signing mid-sentence at her scowl. ' _But you are well aware of the risks and are doing it because you need to. I understand that_.' He exhaled heavily, pleased that she wasn’t glaring at him anymore, ' _I don’t have the right to tell you what is or isn’t right, but I still worry. It’s all I ever did for you_.'

Shadan offered a small smile, ”I'll be fine, I promise."

' _I still don't understand why we can't come with you_.'

"Dad, it's a political meeting. I'm allowed a guard and advisors.” She lifted a brow and added flatly, as she suppressed a smile, “You’re a hedge mage and a farmer."

Revas shrugged, signing, ' _Okay fine, but that Bull of yours had better take care of you or I'm going to mount those horns of his above my door_.'

“I think you’d need a bigger front door,” Shadan laughed.

Then, as if by some divine cue, Bull came out from the keep a moment later. "Boss, you out here? Senka's looking for- Why are you laughing?"

His mildly confused expression and unintended timing just made her laugh more, her father tried to hide his smirk and Cole just smiled serenely at him.

Shadan calmed as the large man neared, "Just some fatherly assurances."

' _Long overdue_ ,' Revas signed to her and she smiled at him, reaching down to lightly squeeze his shoulder. 

Bull lifted a brow, judging the pair for a moment, "He threatened to kill me, didn't he?"

Shadan started chuckling again, giving a small shrug as Revas gave the other man a unassumingly mild look. Bull grinned, putting an arm around the woman and she automatically leaned into his side. "Just a little," she admitted.

"Oh that's fine then." He kissed her temple, eyeing Revas with a good-natured smirk. The former Saarebas rolled his eyes at the mercenary, but couldn't help smiling at them. 

' _He shouldn't take me so lightly, I like him, but I'll still knock the boy on his ass_ ,' Revas gestured.

Shadan snorted, “I know you would."

Bull made a thoughtful sound in his throat after only picking up half of the exchange. "I was talking with Kestrel earlier," he didn't pause when he spoke but he felt Shadan's shoulders twitch under his arm at the mention of her mother. "She told me the signing language you use is Dalish?"

Revas nodded.

"His name is too," Shadan noted. "A clan took them in when they landed here."

Bull cast a thoroughly disbelieving eye at her, "A clan of elves willingly helped a pair of Tal-Vashoth?" 

Shadan shrugged, "That's what they told me."

Cole drew his knees up under his chin, looking pensive as he spoke. "Hurt. Bleeding. Wanting to die. My duty to die but she wouldn't let me,” he murmured, his pale eyes far away as the other three looked his way. "She couldn't stop the others but I heard her. Somehow. The Keeper took a risk, his First healed me, taught me to speak again. All the while she was there. Watching. Protecting." He blinked, eyes clearing, and looked up at Bull. "Revas wanted you to understand," the spirit explained, adding verbatim what the mage signed next. "Perhaps not to that detail, Cole, but thank you." The spirit smiled, "You're welcome."

Shadan shook her head a little at the spirit and giving her father a soothing smile. Letting out a long sigh she looked over at Bull, folding her arms across her chest in an effort to appear more serious. It might have worked better if the man’s tree-trunk of an arm wasn’t draped across her shoulders, dwarfing her even with their comparable heights. "You were saying something about Senka when you came out?" She lifted a finger to his face, knowing that look in his eye, and stopping him before he had a change to dismiss the subject. "And no it can't wait."

Bull chuckled, grinning the way he always did when she made it clear who was in charge. "The raven from Lothering arrived. They agreed to board us."

"Finally," she sighed in relief. "Took them long enough.” She looked up at the sky as she then noticed the start of a gentle flurry of new snowflakes. “I guess that means I’m on to the next thing then.” She didn’t even need to shrug off Bull’s arm, he dropped it just as she made a start to move. “I’m off,” she mussed Cole’s hat again and kissed Revas’ brow as she turned to leave. The older mage grabbed her wrist for a moment, making her turn back.

Revas held her eyes for a moment, warming her fingers in his palms before letting go to sign. ' _One of these days, you and your mother have put it all to rest.'_

Shadan paused, “I have,” she said firmly. “You came to me to talk, now I’m just waiting for her.”

Revas sighed, ' _You may wait a while for that._ '

She frowned, “Then that’ll be her choice.” She waited a moment until Revas nodded, she squeezed his shoulder before she left, Bull not far behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Exeunt, pursued by a bear.
> 
> Relevant plot development is relevant
> 
> Tune in next time for 'Conflict in the King's Castle! Disarray in Denerim! I like Alliteration!!' Fun stuff next time i PROMIIIIIIISE!!!


	6. Arrival

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im beginning to sound like a broken record, but yeah. Class started two weeks ago and I've been swamped, before that I was moving into my apartment off campus and getting things settled. So yeah, life got cray.
> 
> I had fun with this chapter, gettin in some character stuff and the last leedle bit of plotty-plot set up. Dis shit's gonna be fun >:3
> 
> Also, thank you again to anyone still patient enough to deal with me and my snail-pace updates. I promise I will finish this fic, i love writing it, it's just finding a proper amount of free time to do it is a bit challenging ^^; Love Y'all!!

Skyhold’s courtyard was alive with activity with Cullen was at the center, making last minute preparations to the caravan and directing men and horses into a semblance of order. Shadan waited by the stables, out of the way, but near enough to quickly start heading out once Cullen gave the all clear. Beor was standing in the aisle of the recently expanded stable, tacked up and ready to go, but Shadan was rechecking the girth of his saddle for the sake of giving her hands something to do. 

The nuggalope snorted, shifting his weight on the knuckles of his front feet- hands- honestly she tried not to think too much about the distinction. The nuggalopes were an odd sort of creature. It was strange to think that something as small and benign as a nug had a horned cousin species that was bigger than most horses. Shadan recalled how their particularly dexterous forepaws nearly traumatized poor Dennet the first time he’d seen them, though she guessed it had made more of an impact considering the Inquisition had gotten its first dracolisks in the same week. She really needed to send some better compensation to the horse master, he had put up with a lot.

Beor shook his head and Shadan automatically leaned an extra inch or so away from the breadth of his curled horns and patted his neck. “We’re leaving soon, be patient.” Beor scuffed the ground, kicking up a little cloud of dust and snorted petulantly. It was echoed further down the aisle. Shadan glanced at the red hart down the aisle of the stable, well his rump at least, he was not happy he was being left behind. For a moment Shadan wondered why her preferred mounts had a tendency to be the moody ones. Shrugging off the thought she saw the big grey beast’s ear flick in the direction behind her.

Kestrel Adaar hesitated for a moment when she was spotted, but continued walking forward, nodding a greeting, “Shadan.”

“Mother,” she answered evenly, brow raised. Aside from a few civil greetings, the two of them still hadn’t really talked, but judging by the older woman’s expression, she did have something to say this time. “You’re cutting it a bit close if you wanted to talk.”

Kestrel stopped a few strides away, “I-” She flinched in surprise when a dracolisk with copper and yellow scales thrust its head out. It turned its head to the side, bird-like, studying the older Tal-Vashoth for a moment before making a clicking noise and bobbing its head. Kestrel blinked, obviously at a loss.

Shadan didn’t fight her laugh, “She likes you.”

Kestrel lifted a skeptical brow, eyeing the sharp uneven teeth of the creature’s reptilian beak, “How can you tell?”

“Experience,” she looped Beor’s lead over a hook on the wall and stepped forward. She clicked her tongue and the dracolisk turned her way with rapt attention. It sniffed her hand for a moment before pushing its nose into Shadan’s open palm, closing its eyes and trilling. Shadan rubbed over the smooth scales on the top of the beast’s head, “See?”

After another moment of hesitation, Kestrel extended her own hand and the dracolisk immediately perked up and shoved its muzzle into her hand. Kestrel gave a surprised chuckle at the animal’s eager affection, using her other hand to rub the softer hide under its chin, careful to avoid the sharp spines along the edge of its jaw. She was silent for a span before sighing regretfully, “You’ve grown so much,” she said, seemingly more to herself, “But this certainly feels familiar.” She glanced over at Shadan, who was studying her quizzically, and she laughed. “You don’t remember trying to keep stray cats, snakes and frogs in your room?”

Shadan chuckled, looking aside with some half-convincing expression of innocence.

“You had a pet rat for nearly a year before I found out,” Kestrel deadpanned.

Shadan thought for a moment before smiling, patting the dracolisk’s neck, “Squeaks. I’d nearly forgotten about him.”

Kestrel smiled a little, “And, of course, the only reason I found out was he’d gotten sick and you wanted your father to heal him.” She shook her head a little, “I never understood why you kept smuggling them into the house.”

Shadan shrugged, leaning back against the stall door, “I was always good with animals.” She chewed the inside of her lip for a moment before adding, “All my friends stopped wanting to be around me once my magic started to manifest, animals at least weren’t afraid of the fact that I was turning into a mage.”

Silence wedged itself between the two women, the dracolisk grunting impatiently when Kestrel’s hands stilled for too long. She patted its muzzle, “I wasn’t afraid of you, I-”

“You were afraid for me,” she finished, looking over at her mother with a sad half-smile, “I know. I’m old enough to have figured that out.” Given the same circumstances, Shadan wondered what she would have done in her mother’s position. Since the baby had started to kick, now that she could actually feel the little life active inside her, she knew that she would do anything and everything to keep it safe. Her child wasn’t even born yet and the intense drive to protect it burned like a searing fire in her breast. Could she truly judge her mother now that she had the barest taste of what she had gone through? Knowing her child would have been in danger if exposed? …Shadan sighed heavily, rubbing her arms, what _would_ she have done in her mother’s place?

Kestrel went quiet for a moment, giving the dracolisk one last pat before threading her fingers together in front of her. She watched her daughter for a long moment, seemingly trying to find the right words. “…I’m sorry.”

Shadan frowned slightly in disbelief. Her mother had been an Arvaarad, a soldier with a very strong sense of what was right and wrong, even if that sense ultimately did not mesh with the Qun’s definition. She was proud and she didn’t apologize. At least… that’s how she had been. Shadan remembered a woman who was stern and disciplined to the point of being militaristic. Not cruel, but absolutely unyielding. Shadan studied her mother a bit, nearly two decades had worn down her sharpest edges. She hadn’t weakened, but she had changed. This wasn’t the woman Shadan had fought and fled, recalling with little more than frustration and a childish bitterness for the last seventeen years.

Kestrel continued tentatively given Shadan’s silence, “I was harsh when I came through your gates because I-” she gave a humorless laugh, “I was scared. Honestly I was too ashamed to face you after all this time and I didn’t know how to act.”

“ _You_ were scared? Of _me_?” Shadan crossed her arms across her chest, that was just a difficult concept to believe.

Kestrel nodded, “I was not a good mother and for years I’ve just been too proud to admit it.” She regarded her daughter carefully, “You were right, what you said about how I should have taught you instead of trying to just keep you hidden away. What I did to try to keep you safe- all it did was push you away. Unprepared. I don’t deserve to be forgiven for how I treated you.” 

“Maybe not,” Shadan agreed at length, seeing her mother’s eyes go downcast a bit at the statement. “But,” she sighed, “I shouldn’t blame you for doing what you thought was right.” Deeply rooted emotions made her shoulders bristle, but she pushed past them. “I can give you a chance to make up for it.” Kestrel looked up, blinking in surprise at her daughter’s half-smile. “If you’d be up for it.”

Kestrel hesitated, taken aback, but soon smiled, nodding, “I’d like the chance.”

“Good, because I wasn’t going to let you refuse anyway,” Shadan chuckled, keeping her tone even, teasingly nonchalant. “I don’t have grandparents and Bull obviously doesn’t have an extended family to contribute, but I’m not letting this kid grow up with anything less than a legion of relatives. Blood related or no.”

Kestrel laughed, looking and sounding like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

Shadan smiled, scuffing the ground with the toe of her boot, “We’re developing farmland at the base of the mountain. Supplemental crops and pasture for the troops here and people living in the Peak.”

“That be quite a trek to get all the way up here,” Kestrel noted, catching her meaning.

“It’s closer than the Marches,” Shadan shrugged, “Plus you and Dad managed to get food to grow in crap soil, imagine what you could do with good land?”

“Are you a merchant or a politician now?” Kestrel quipped with a raised brow, amused by how easily her daughter was shifting the scenario.

Shadan shrugged again, “I am what I need to be. The Inquisition does need farmers.” 

“I’ll talk with your father,” Kestrel nodded, though they both know what he would say to the idea.

Shadan turned when a horn blew from the direction of the courtyard. “That’s Cullen.” She grabbed Beor’s lead from the wall, hesitating when she turned back, suddenly a bit reluctant to leave, “I should be back in a few months.”

Kestrel nodded, her eyes betraying the calm set of her face, “We’ll stay out of your people’s way, but we can keep an eye on things.”

Beor butted Shadan’s shoulder with his wide nose, obviously impatient to get going. Shadan rolled her eyes at him. Looking back at her mother she thought for a moment before putting a hand on Kestrel’s shoulder. “Mom, you _are_ one of my people.” Her heart tightened at the grateful look in her eyes, but kept her expression composed, “And, just think, by the time I get back, you’ll be a grandmother.” 

Kestrel practically beamed, but made a small sound as if she’d suddenly remembered something. She put her hands behind her neck, “Wait.” She fiddled with something and then tugged a thin braided leather cord off from around her neck, pulling a pendant out from under her tunic. “Take this.”

Shadan blinked, knowing what it was. It was a pendant of halla horn, carved with a likeness of Sylaise the Hearthkeeper. A memento from the Dalish clan that had helped her parents so many years ago and proof of the friends they had made there. They had given her mother this token for protection. “Mom, I can’t-,” but Kestrel was already reaching up and tying it around her neck.

“Don’t argue. I can’t go with you and, even if I don’t pray to their gods, they believed in it.” She tucked the pendant into the collar of her coat and patted her shoulder. “You need it more than me.”

Shadan smiled and after a moment of hesitation leaned forward, touching her forehead to her mother’s, “I’ll be okay. I’ll come back.”

Kestrel closed her eyes, trying to hide the tears threatening to shine in them, “You’d better or that Ferelden king will have me to answer to.”

Shadan chuckled, pulling back a step. She signaled for Beor to kneel so she could get up on the saddle, Kestrel helped a little when her leg refused to go up quite as high as she normally could raise it. The nuggalope stood back up and started plodding smoothly out of the stable. Shadan tugged the pendant out from her coat, running a thumb over the delicate carving.

Someone touched her shoulder, “Hey, Boss?”

Shadan flinched, pulled from her memory and dropped the pendant as Bull chuckled at her. Skyhold was nearly a month behind her and her parents half a continent away within its walls. “What is it?” 

Bull shrugged, “I just wanted to make sure you didn’t start wandering off down the wrong road.”

Shadan looked around, they had passed where the North and West roads merged nearly an hour ago, and gave the large man a flat look, “There’s only one road.”

He grinned, “All the more reason to be sure.”

Shadan rolled her eyes, trying not to smile as she turned to Sera, “Please tell me he’s not as funny as he seems to think he is.”

The elf grinned cheekily, “You were gettin’ kinda spacey. I was gonna do it, but Bull was quicker.”

“So good to know you all have my back,” Shadan shook her head, hearing Cullen’s subdued but unmistakeable chuckle behind her, and looked about. Denerim’s city walls were just another mile down the road, the gates and ramparts an impressive height even at this distance. The stone walls were cast with reds and oranges in the dying light of the setting sun. To the south, beyond the narrow forest of trees lining the road, the four-pointed spire of Fort Drakon rose like a spearhead towards the sky. She tried to imagine the Archdemon Urthemiel atop the tower, picturing Lady Cousland and her small band defeating the beast and shook her head at the thought. The Inquisition had needed the help of a true dragon, the guardian of an elven god no less, to take down Corypheus’ corrupted pet. The idea of taking on a real Archdemon with anything less seemed impossible, but The Warden was a legend for a reason.

Nearing the city they could hear the distant crank of chains and the groan of wood as the gates were slowly opened to admit them. The trees on either side of the road, growing more obvious the closer they came to the walls, were notably shorter than the flora deeper into the woods. This was to the point that there were only new trees within a hundred meters of the gates themselves, showing only about a decade’s worth of growth. A faint scar still remaining from the darkspawn horde and the Battle of Denerim.

Shadan lifted a hand to the armored guard approaching from the opened gate. Even from several yards away, the Ferelden Forder he was riding flared its nostrils at Shadan’s nuggalope, tossing its head a bit with its nerves but was easily brought to heel. Cullen trotted his horse ahead to meet the guard and their small caravan was led into the city.

Even with the dying light the city was still full of activity. The street vendors showed no sign of preparing to pack up their wares, firelight could be seem from forges and from the windows of tradesmen’s workshops. Children ran about lighting lanterns for the evening, some of the younger ones skidding to a halt to gape at the strange soldiers and their leader. Most of them weren’t old enough to even start apprenticeships yet, undoubtedly they had only ever heard of Qunari in stories and of Vashoth as cautionary tales. She glanced to the side, seeing Bull grinning at the kids with a mocking ferocity that had a few of the younger girls and boys give giggling shrieks before they ran off. An older boy was watching Shadan and the Inquisition warily from a street corner and Shadan winked as she passed, chuckling at the perplexed look on his face.

Their group was led south across a bridge, the River Drakon flowing under them and through the city out to sea, and through the palace gates. The courtyard was equally busy, even before the Inquisition’s arrival, the number of animals needing to be housed alone was enough to put a strain on the staff. All the same there was a team of grooms ready to take their mounts and gear.

Shadan patted Beor’s head and he flicked his ears back at her, snorting and shaking his head a bit before kneeling forward. She dismounted carefully, leaning back against the nuggalope as she slid down to the ground, she didn’t need her tired legs give out and pitch her forward. She was relieved to stretch her legs, but she had to consciously hide her wincing as she straightened back up. Her back was _killing_ her, though that was more a credit to her rounded belly than to the riding. Once she was sure she had her balance back, Shadan walked over to rub Beor’s chin, earning an appreciative lowing sound. The beast stood back up and pushed his head into her chest so she would scratch behind his ears.

“Well, that’s different.”

Shadan looked over, smiling politely, “King Theirin.”

Alistair gestured to a half-bow, “Inquisitor Adaar.” He peered at Beor curiously, though with no small amount of caution, “If I might ask, is _that_ the nuggalope?”

Beor snorted. Shadan rubbed his nose, trying not to smile, “Yes he is.”

“You mentioned that it was large, but you neglected to say just how-” Alistair shook his head and coughed, straightening up. “I hope your trip was uneventful?”

“We didn’t have any problems,” she frowned slightly at his relieved sigh. “Did something happen?” 

“The ambassador from Rivain arrived this morning,” he nodded. “They we’re attacked on the North Road.”

Shadan’s frown deepened, “By who? Were there any casualties?”

“Elves. Bandits most likely. No one was killed, in their party anyway.” He frowned, folding his arms across his chest, the fur trimmed cowl over his shoulders giving him the momentary impression of a bristling dog. Which Shadan mused, considering it was Ferelden, that was likely the intent. “I’m just glad you’ve all gotten here unharmed.”

“So are we. Are we the last?” she spared a glance around to see how her people were moving about the courtyard.

“Second to last. The representative from the College of Enchanters should be here in the morning.” He mused, “Feels a bit odd saying that. College of Enchanters. Just another power to keep track of.”

“Another mover on the board,” Shadan nodded, unbuckling a strap on Beor’s saddle, “But one that needs to be there.”

He raised a brow, “You believe that?”

She unhitched her staff from the saddle and lifted a brow slightly, “Do I believe that mages should be allowed to govern themselves? Yes, Your Majesty, I do.” Her tone was firm, but not so much to be belligerent.

For himself Alistair just made a thoughtful sound and nodded. After a moment of thought he smacked his palm with the side of his fist, “On a lighter note, of course, congratulations.” He smiled warmly, gesturing at her midsection before realizing what he was doing.

Shadan chuckled, though she did catch the momentary wistful flash in his eyes, “Thank you.” She was well aware, not simply through Josephine’s tutelage, that Alistair had no lack of critics regarding the longevity of his rule. It was enough that he had still failed to produce an heir after over a decade, a fact mostly attributed to the prolonged absence of his wife, fewer were aware of the effects being a Grey Warden had on such an endeavor. Still, the sooner the Hero of Ferelden finally returned from her quest to cure the Calling the better. Shadan could see in that moment the pain he felt in being separated from the former Lady Cousland.

“My Lord!” a voiced wheedled out from the castle and Alistair sighed heavily, shoulders drooping in a petulant way. “I thought I had escaped him,” he muttered with a sigh. “If you’ll excuse me Inquisitor.”

Shadan chuckled, “Of course.” She watched him leave for a moment, mulling over his words and Senka’s concerns. Elvish bandits, some shadow group operating out from the Free Marches, the city elves defecting to Dalish -

“Sounds bad,” Sera scowled, sidling up beside her. Shadan looked to her side, not surprised that the little rogue had been eavesdropping. The elf was scowling up at the castle with a palpable degree of distaste. “Doesn’ feel right.”

“You think it’s something else?”

Sera shrugged, wrinkling her nose, “I dunno, but didn’ your sneaky one say somethin’ weird happening with the elves and Dalish up ‘round here?”

Shadan nodded, “I was thinking the same. I don’t know how exactly, but I have a _feeling_ that it’s connected somehow.”

Sera tapped her chin, “I’ll go check around with my Friends and see what I can hear out.” 

“Thanks Sera.”

“No biggie.” She crinkled her nose up at the castle again, making a dismissive noise, “Didn’ want to hang ‘round these big heads anyway. You’re all right, but- pbbt.” Shadan snorted a suppressed laugh at the rude noise, Sera saluted mockingly before trotting off back the way they had come.

Bull passed Sera as the elf ran off, "Where is she headed off to?”

“To find any Red Jennys in the city, see what she can dig up,” she answered, giving Beor a final pat before he was led off by one of the palace grooms. “How’re the Chargers?” She saw Blackwall talking with one of the guards that had led them into the city. Waving a hand to him, he nodded, he knew to find her if he heard anything of note.

Bull shrugged, “Rocky won’t stop complaining about how hard horseback is on his ass, but he’ll survive. The rest are fine.” He watched her for a moment as she rolled her shoulders, just settling into actually being on her own feet. Bull placed a hand on her lower back, “What about you?”

She smiled, leaning into him a little, almost imagining that she could feel the warmth of his palm through the warded leather of her longcoat. Bull knew her far too well. He was concerned and watchful, but he made sure she still had her space so she didn’t feel like she was being coddled. They both knew, Maker nearly _everyone_ knew, it was likely that she’d have the baby in a few weeks at least. “I’m fine, Kadan. Just a bit sore,” she wrinkled her nose a bit, looking down at her travel-rumpled clothes, “and in need of a real bath.”

He grinned at the Qunlat, she didn’t use the endearment nearly as often as him, but that just made it mean more when she did. His hand slipped down to her waist, under the pretense of escorting her inside, but actually a subtle urge for her to lean on him. “Then let’s get you inside and I’ll take care of that.”

Shadan pecked at the scarred turn of his lips, giving him a grateful look as she stepped out of his arm, “I knew there was a reason I kept you around.” She turned about, catching the flash of his teeth when he laughed. Bull fell in step behind her as she hailed Cullen over from across the yard. He had been directing her people and politely reorganizing the palace’s own attendants, they were still on edge after the reported attack on the Riviani ambassador earlier that day. Everyone in the Inquisition’s party was tired, so the soldiers had eagerly left for their accommodations in the palace barracks, save for the guard that Cullen insisted upon for Shadan. The Chargers had wandered off to find a tavern in the city. Krem made a note to go with them, so to avoid any possible incidents.

Inside the castle they were greeted by a doughy looking man who introduced himself as the chamberlain, he called over an elf to show them to their rooms and after another bow he scurried off to tend to other business. The elf was slender, as her kin typically were, with dark blonde hair and wide, downcast eyes the pale color of heartwood.

“My name is Neera your graces, please follow me.”

Shadan quirked a brow at Bull and Cullen before following. They came upon a staircase when Shadan asked, “Neera?”

“Yes, My Lady?”

“How is the Riviani ambassador? I was told they had trouble.”

Neera fidgeted with her hands as she walked, “She is doing well, and the others in her party are being cared for. You should be able to meet them tonight at dinner,” she suggested, looking back before shrinking a little. “Unless you would prefer to eat in your quarters?”

Shadan made a placating gesture at the elf’s nervousness, attempting to diffuse tension with a chuckle. “It has been a long trip, I don’t think the King would take it personally if I didn’t attend tonight.”

Neera nodded, coming to a stop at a door, “Of course My Lady.” She gestured to Cullen, “Commander Rutherford, if you require anything do not hesitate to call.”

“Thank you.” Cullen turned to Shadan, “I'll go and fill you in in the morning.”

Shadan gave him a grateful look, she knew he’d prefer to stay further from the nobles, but at least only one or two were Orlesian this time and there weren’t chatty noblewomen to attempt to woo him into marriage.

They continued down the hall and Neera glanced over at Shadan, attempting to be surreptitious about it, but failing. Her eyes widened when she was noticed, “Apologies.” She then stammered, “We had heard that Andraste’s Herald was with child, but it is entirely something else to see it. Congratulations.”

“Thank you, but you don’t need to apologize,” Shadan said, somewhat embarrassed for causing such anxiety.

Neera ducked her head a little, stopping at a door and pushing it open so the pair could walk inside. Shadan tried not to chuckle when Bull had to maneuver through the door decidedly not made with someone his size and height in mind.

“If you need anything, please do not hesitate,” the elf said at the door.

“Thank you Neera,” Shadan said. The younger woman giving a hurried ‘My Lady,’ before closing the door. When Shadan turned back, Bull had surveyed the suite and was walking back to her. 

“Your bath is ready. Tub is a bit small, so we’ll have to get creative,” he grinned, taking her staff and laying it on the table.

She chuckled at the insinuation, looping her arms around his neck and humming happily when his hands automatically settled on her hips. A month on the road, surrounded by soldiers, it had not given them privacy enough for much of anything aside from chaste affection. A small part of her still thought he was crazy to find her desirable given her swollen state, but the warmth in his eye and the quirk of his smile quickly knocked that voice back. He kissed her soundly, slowly leading her back, obviously with something specific planned and she frankly had no intention of stopping him. Giving into the respite before getting thrown back into the true business of why they were here.

—

Bull rubbed his free hand down his face, blinking at the morning light that had woken him. He was generally a light sleeper, at least compared to the lump tucked into his side. He looked over at the Shadan, lying on her side with her back pressed up against him. When they weren’t in the field or under imminent threat of death, Shadan could sleep through a Gaatlok attack. A fact practically _proven_ when Dagna and Rocky had teamed up and nearly taken out one of Skyhold’s lower levels with their chemical “experimentations”.

He played the tips of his fingers lightly over her arm, up and down, feeling the soft texture of her dark skin. He listened to the quiet of the room, but starting to pick up on movement in the halls if he focused on it. He knew the castle staff would be bustling around like mad with all the noblepeople in attendance. But those noises did not hold his attention the same as Shadan’s slow and steady breaths did. He drifted his fingers lower, past her arm and over her side to gently palming the curve of her belly. The idea that his- _their_ child was inside her, mere inches under his palm, still made his head spin. It was a concept he had never considered at any point in his life and he was still plucking away at the complicated knot of feelings he had about it. Fear that he’d fail somehow, excitement that it was happening at all, determination, love-

She murmured, leaning back against him and he grinned, knowing she was finally waking up.

Bull shifted around, earning another grumble when her ‘pillow’ moved under her. He leaned down by her ear, ”Come on.” Bull urged with a soft smile.

She makes an unhappy grumbling noise in answer and tucked her head down, “No."

He chuckled, carefully freeing his arm from under her head and leaned over her; but she was already burrowing her face into the pillows. "You're going to have to wake up eventually Kadan." She growled some kind of half-hearted denial into the pillows that turned into a mutter as he coasted his fingers further down the upturned side of her hip. She had only worn a long shirt to bed so his fingers were soon gliding over warm skin.

"Why do I keep you around again?" She grumbled, voice rough against the pillow, making a visible effort not to squirm.

He smirked, pressing his mouth to the nape of her neck as his hand drifted under the shirt and up to her back, fingers pressing where he knew muscles were still knotted and sore, "I have my uses."

She chuckled, stretching her legs, "You're terrible."

Bull gave a noncommittal noise and nipped at her jaw, tugging her over onto her back. She moved easily, even with her grumbling, rubbing her eyes with the heel of her palms. “Probably true, but I’m yours,” he grinned, kissing her.

Shadan smiled, cupping his stubbled jaw in her palms and gently dragging her nails over the more tender skin under his jawline.

He hummed appreciatively, moving down to kiss her throat. “You got a raven when we were on the road,” he noted with his mouth against her skin, slowly traveling further down.

“I had a question for the King,” she answered, still squinting in the morning light, though it was more from a desire to go back to sleep than a real sensitivity.

Bull propped himself up to lift a brow at her, “One that couldn’t wait until we got here?”

Shadan shrugged, “I asked if the Inquisition could stay in Denerim for a week or so after the Summit.”

“The Inquisition?” Bull clarified, stroking a thumb over her belly.

“Yes.”

“M-hm,” he murmured, shifting down to nuzzle her belly, hands laying gently over her hips. “She’s trying to be evasive,” he stage-whispered. “She’s not the best at it, but we try to let her think she is.”

Shadan snorted, but looked down at him fondly, stroking her fingertips along his jaw, tracing the scars that ran up over his cheekbone to the ruin of scar tissue over his missing eye. “I didn’t want-” She started again, her tone firmer, “I _won’t_ have our baby born on some roadside.”

Bull studied her, his training having him automatically pick up on a hundred minute details. She had frowned a little, her voice catching on the word ‘our’, not with a hesitance, but an unfamiliarity to the word.

She continued, “Honestly Bull, if I leave Denerim before it’s born that is exactly what’s going to happen-”

He shushed her, hearing the anxious clench in her voice and sat up, pulling her up into his arms. Shadan settled against him comfortably, calming herself on an exhale as Bull stroked her back. “What did Alistair say?” he murmured into her hair.

“He said that it wouldn’t be an issue so long as a rift doesn’t suddenly open up while I’m here.” She gave a dry chuckle, “It was a joke, but isn’t it great to know that people still see me as some kind of walking bomb?” she grumbled, fighting a yawn.

Bull chuckled, but his reply was interrupted by a knock on the door. Bull kissed her on the forehead before rolling off the mattress. She noticed him limping a bit as he walked around the bed. The old injury didn’t usually flare up enough for it to be noticeable, but it did have a tendency to stiffen up in the mornings. He caught the concern in her eyes and assured her with an easy look, “I’m fine.” He helped her up out of the bed and handed her a robe before leaving the room to get out to the little suite they had been given.

Shadan could hear Krem outside and she listened with half an ear as she tied the sash. She was frustrated for a moment, figuring out the best way to tie it around swell of her belly before walking out. Krem and Stitches were at the door leading out into the hall and they nodded greetings when she came into view. “Is something wrong?”

Bull was scowling as Krem explained, “Rocky got drunk and nearly started a brawl last night.”

“Ah.” She tried not to smile at the exasperation on Bull’s face. Before he had a chance to start growling at how Krem had been in charge to prevent exactly that, she pulled him down into a kiss, chuckling at how Stitches averted his eyes and Krem simply rolled his. Bull smirked against her mouth, obviously knowing her ploy, but went along with it regardless. She stepped back when he was about to grab her waist, “Go on, round up your boys. I’ll meet you later.”

Bull looked at her as if that was the _last_ thing he wanted to do at that moment, but tamped the impulse down. “Lead the way Krem.” The men nodded quick farewells before leaving.

Alone, Shadan looked down at the table by the fireplace. Her few books and records had been brought in, she couldn’t see any miscellaneous notes haphazardly shoved between the pages so she guessed that Sera was still out in the city. She flipped the first one open, skimming over the page and started reviewing in preparation for the Summit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If someone has a better name for that fur thing over Ali-bear’s shoulders please let me know. Cuz it’s not a kind of pauldron or a leather gorget. It kinda looks like a wrap but that’s not right, so im sticking with cowl until someone gives me a better alternative lol
> 
> Dangit Krem you had ONE JOB!! XD
> 
> Also, HOW DID I TAKE THIS LONG TO DO FLUFF WITH THE BELLY!? HOW?!


End file.
